Full filled day

We got a good bit done today .... started out by taking some things over to the townhouse and unpacking. We pretty much moved the closet and hung it all up in the bedroom and the spare room (which is where I'm keeping my scrubs). We also put together the kitchen table Brenda got us and let me tell you it looks GOOOOOOD in the kitchen!!! Perfect!!! We then put up the new verticle blinds in the kitchen and it looks like a brand new place!!! It's such a cozy kitchen ... and I already know what my first meal will be that I cook in it! :)

Rainy Monday

I got a little packed up today, some more off the walls, nail holes patched .... a lot needs done, but slowly we're getting there.

Bart took off tomorrow ... we'll see what we get done. Personally, I'd like to get some furniture purchased, but I know better than that. Bart is set on keeping what we have now ... even though it's had better days, not to mention I'm sick of it. Don't get me wrong, it looks pretty good .... it's just not all that comfortable to sit on. Not to mention, I'd rather have more seating ... a couch and loveseat is better than a couch and chair. We shall see .....

I do know he plans on going to IKEA Saturday, which honestly would be better to do tomorrow. I LOVE IKEA!!!

It rained all day ... and hard too. There have been flooding all over. It's been a cold rain too!!! Poor socs hasn't been out much!!! He doesn't like going out in the rain ... so he didn't go out most of the day. Tomorrow is supose to be a rather nice day, so hopefully we can get some things moved and more things packed.

I'm on a mission

While searching ebay for some shoes I want, I decided to look for some scrubs. I'm now on a mission to collect hospital scrubs from various hospitals. I have plenty from the hospitals I worked to before ... but now I want more!! I'm watching 2 auctions on ebay for some .... how excited am I?

Nope, doesn't take much to entertain me! :)

Raining cats and dogs .... really!

I let socs out for the first time today (bladder of steal he has) .... and along come two strays. One I've seen before, but the other (st. banard) I have not. Of course Socs goes into protective mode and barks to keep them away, but the St. Banard wasn't moving, not barking either. He lowered his head to socs (dog language for you're the boss) but socs keeps on his get out of my yard bark! Meanwhile it's really pouring down the rain, thundering and lightening!!! I'm trying to get my soaked dog inside which isn't working!!!! Finally he comes in ... and it took all I could do to keep the St. Banard out. Poor thing ... soaked to the bone!!! I almost let him in and dried him off!

Called animal control, which I hate doing. But it's so nasty out ... I don't like them out there ... especially when visability is nill and they could get hurt. So now I'll sit here and worry about the poor strays hoping they get into a warm dry place and there owners find them!

Monday feels like Friday .... what more could you want?

Working just monday then off a few days makes it nice!!! It made Monday not so bad, and made it feel like Friday. Work went well .... in the ICU again, and everything went smoothly. I will be on my regular shift for the next schedule. I'm not so sure about it ... I've grown to like days! We shall see.

Bart made it home from his trip ... tired. They had a good time it sounds like, they even were mature enough to blow things up in the comp fire! (shaking head)

We went over to the townhouse tonight to find an early Christmas present from Brenda!!!!!! A BEAUTIFUL table and chairs (4) just as I wanted sitting in the kitchen!!!!!!!!! What a suprise that was ... I couldn't believe it!!!!! What a great sister I have!

Life

How is it that everything can be going so well one minute and then the next everything is falling apart right in front of you?? Life isn't predictable, that's for sure!!

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live the "perfect" life ... to be the "perfect" person. I strive for that ... healthy or not, I do. I'm a perfectionist, there's no if ands or buts about it. In counseling that's one of the things I've been working on ... things don't always have to be perfect. No matter how often I hear that, or even say it ... I don't believe it. Things DO always have to be perfect, when they're not .... I beat myself up for it.

Don't get me wrong ... I'm FAR from perfect! I look WAY less than perfect, far from the perfect body, and I don't even resemble beautiful. But still, I like things I do to be perfect. Somehow, in my crazy mixed up mind, in that I will become perfect. I like to be in total control of ever situation. I like to know what to do in every situation. So as you can see ... anxiety doesn't fit into my "perfect world". Heck ... I don't fit into my perfect world!!!!!

My ads ....

Don't forget to click them!!! Last week I made a BIG twelve cents!!! Someday in the far far future I'll get a check for $100!! So click click click every day!!!

Heck, does anyone even read this? Anyone out there! :)

Sunday's suck

I hate Sunday's ....

I have to work tomorrow ... Bart is off tomorrow because of the "fishing" trip, but will be home around 4 I think. So I'll spend today dreading tomorrow, which ruins today!

I woke up with a headache that will NOT go away!!! My neck is killing me, I think I just need a really good neck and shoulder massage! (That's where I carry my stress)

Bart's been too busy "fishing" to talk to me, every time I've called he's rushed me off the phone. I've had it and will not be calling again! It makes me so mad ... he doesn't take into consideration how I am doing and just takes off on these trips!!!! They always seem to fall when I'm not doing well ... which I have no control over!! I don't think he understands that! Not to mention, I wouldn't mind getting away! But we won't be taking a vacation or anything anytime soon!!!! But he gets to go fishing and on business trips!

New therapist!!!

I get a phone call yesterday saying my therapist is on medical leave!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!

First, I hope everything is okay ..... but I didn't ask questions, because I know they couldn't tell me anything.

But I do NOT want to have to start seeing someone else. Do you know how weird that would be? I'm comfortable with who I've been seeing, and I don't want to go through getting to know someone else. So what am I supose to do? Wait it out? As it is now, I haven't been in a month because I've had to cancel due to my work schedule.

Parade day

Today I spent most of the day in bed!!! I honestly didn't attend on sleeping the day away, but I did .... and it felt good!!! I got up a few times but just couldn't keep my eyes open so ended up back in bed. Thankfully, Bart called around 330 and woke me up. I needed to be at my sisters at 15 til 5 (I thought). So I jumped in the shower, got dressed and headed out the door. I wasn't very far before my phone rang ... it was my sister. I needed to be there at 15 til FOUR not five!!!! I had my times messed up. So I told her I'd meet her at the school ... the parade wasn't until 5.

So I get to the school and we walk to our spot and waited for the parade to begin. This was the first parade Nick (my nephew) was marching in and boy was he excited!!! The parade started and the band came and Nick wasn't where Brenda thought he was going to be .... so we didn't get good pictures. So after they passed off we went .... following the band to get more pictures! :) It was fun, and they sounded really good. Nick looked so cute in his band uniform, but man was he ever hot!!!! He's hot anyway, then to march in the heat ... he was dripping wet!

I got some good pictures and I can't wait to do a layout with them!

I met them back at the house and we went out to Ledo's for dinner. Yummmmmy!!!

Now I'm back home and it's around 9 and I'm tired .... guess I'm really behind on my sleeping or something.

Talked to Bart a few times today and they're having a good time, as always. Shyam hurt his foot on the four wheeler .... way to go Shyam!!! Leave it to him to do something stupid! But all in all it's going well there.

TGIF

Finally it's here ..... Friday! I'm off until Monday ... I wish longer, but what can I say?

Unfortunately Bart's away this weekend ......"man's weekend". Don't you love how he can take off to go "fishing", but not to spend with me? It's not like there's TONS of stuff to do here, but you know how it is! MEN!

Work went well today .... I went from having just one vent yesterday to having them all today ... and PACU. So that's 5 vents, a lady unvented that got Q4 treatments, and whenever PACU needed me (which was a lot). So I was BUSY, but not too busy. A nice busy ... I think I have proved myself now. Considering they couldn't believe I did well on the weekend ..... and now can take the ICU as well as PACU, I think they know I know my stuff and can do my job ..... and do it well! And let me add .... how stupid is it to give the person in ICU PACU or the ER!!!!!! DUMB!!!! But that's how they do it ... and have done it.

My feet are killing me, so I'm going to go relax and watch TV with my feet up ....................

ICU day one

Finally, they put me in the ICU ..... I got one whole vent, and then after one, I got 2 more! (Keep in mind I leave at 3) It was actually nice just having one for the first couple vent checks since I've never used those vents ... but geez! I hope tomorrow I get more .... I was bored and helping the person in the nursery (of course ... I jump at the chance to go there).

Not a word about my charting today ... not sure if that's good or not. Maybe they gave up. I hope that's the case!

I did NOT want to go to work today .... I was EXTREMELY anxious yesterday and this morning when I got up I just didn't want to deal. But I did .... so I guess that says something, what it says I don't know! Of course I had attacks through out the day, but I survived. I just wish I didn't have to go back tomorrow .... but it's tomorrow and then off until Monday. So that's not TOO bad.
I slept on the couch last night .... that is NOT good for your back!!!! I feel asleep during Rescue Me and Bart claims I was out. I don't remember him giving me my meds or anything. Hopefully I can stay awake through ER .... I'm sitting in the chair, so I'm bound to stay awake.

We're both excited to see ER tonight ... season premier!!!! Hopefully it was worth waiting the summer for!!

Our landlady showed our house tonight and the guy took it. Luckily he is buying our appliances so that's good. Bad thing is we're stuck with the AC's ..... anyone out there need one (or two). He said he just doesn't have the money for that now. I'm hoping he was saying that just to try and get us to feel sorry for him (single dad). Who knows.

I hate having anxiety

Today I spent most of the day trying to hide the fact that I was having anxiety attacks off and on pretty much all day!!!! How stupid is that? My mom and I went and got the paint for the kitchen and then left my dad to paint ... we came back here to work on store stuff. I just couldn't do it ... it was too much for me to cut ribbon and bag it!!! Can you tell me how stupid that is?

My parents went to my neices vollyball game tonight and we decided to go to Home Depot, etc and get some items for the new house. I couldn't even do that! I ran into Target to pick up some frames and dog food ... they've remodeled (why do stores do that?) and I kept walking around and around looking for the dog food. I ended up crying because I couldn't find where they had moved the pet area. How sad is that? Then we still had to go to Home Depot ... I was doing fine, but then I got overwhelmed and just couldn't take it ... I just wanted to go home!!!!!!

I don't know what's up, but it's got to get better!

fleas .......

My parents arrived today around 10ish this morning and we quickly got to work. We took the boxes I had packed as well as the rug from my scrapbook room which we put in Bart's office. Once getting to the townhouse mom and I got to work in the kitchen and dad in the powder room. Mom and I got the wall paper off the kitchen with A LOT of elbow grease, and dad got the border out of the powder room. Mom and I escaped and went to Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, and lastly Lowes. We got lots of great things ... including paint for the powder room. I'm excited to get that painted, I think it's going to look very cool.
I still need to decide on what I'm going to do in the kitchen .... if I decide tomorrow my parents can get it painted while I'm at work on Thursday. BIG plus since I hate painting .... and cleaning! I've had enough of both and I've just started this adventure ...

We finished up the evening at Barley and Hopes which rocked!!

The bad thing is .... Socs has fleas!!! He gets the drops monthly which cost enough they should be doing the job!!! The townhouse was bombed 4 times but yet he got fleas! I called Bart to let him know the great news, but he was in a meeting so I thought leaving a message with Shyam was the next best thing ... WRONG .... he forgets and doesn't relay messages!!! (Just giving you a hard time Shyam!) I did however get him some post it notes so he won't forget my messages anymore! :) See how nice I can be :)

I've had it

I packed up the lenin closet and then Socs and I headed over to the townhouse to clean, etc. I put another layer of Kilz in the powder room .... it should be good to go now. I TRIED to strip the wallpaper in the kitchen, but it was a disaster!!!! We'll see if I can talk Bart into going over tonight to take a look. I cleaned the wood, mopped the kitchen, and cleaned the lenin closet which really needs shelf paper or something. I would have liked to get more done, but I really HATE doing that kind of stuff. I'd much rather pay someone to do it.

Anyway .... I get home and had a message from the hospital. (It was about 415) It was the female supervisor .... wanting to know if I could come in and work with her on my charting tomorrow or the next day, or both. She would be there until 4 and then gave me her hours for the next 2 days. Now if they would have asked me to come in today for awhile .... I probably would have. But sorry, my parents are coming in and I have plans on my days off! So I call ... of course she's gone so I leave a message. I let her know I had plans and couldn't come in, blah blah blah! I would just like a list of what they'd like done!!!! I've just about had it with that place and it's only been 3 weeks!!!

Sunday feels like Friday

Since I worked the weekend and I'm off until Thursday today felt like Friday. (Sucks Bart has to work tomorrow, but I didn't bother asking him to stay home.) Beautiful day ... a little chilly, but sunny, with a little wind. Feels like fall! LOVE IT!

Work went well today ... I actually like working the weekend, I wouldn't want to do it all the time, but it was nice. I had a full assignment again today, but it was half of what I had yesterday since we were properly staffed. I spent most of first rounds (and then some) with a little lady that was in severe respiratory distress. Poor thing ... I think the nurses just made her more anxious running in and out in a panic not knowing what to do. Of course I kicked them all out informing them it wasn't a show to watch, and got things in order. Did a double neb with some extra oxygen bled in .... then had the dr. write an order. Bart couldn't believe I started things without an order, but I'm not going to wait when I can help. I told the nurse to give her lasix, but of course she waited for the dr. So when he came up I told him I think it's mostly fluid so he had the nurse give lasix. I did a gas during the treatment and of course .... metabolic not respiratory. Chest x-ray ... fluid! I don't know why nurses can't tell the different between congestive heart failure and a respiratory problem. But the lasix did the trick and she was doing much better the few times I went into check on her.

After that excitement it was SLOW. A lot of downtime, so I helped here and there. I actually like working days ..... 7-3. I actually wouldn't mind working that 3 days a week rather than nights. The day staff is much friendlier and more of a team than the night is. I MIGHT talk to them to see if I can do 7-3's and 3-11's. I know they're short on 3-11. But I wouldn't get my shift dif then.

Bart worked at the townhouse again, and cleaned here. He had a busy weekend!

We went out to eat at Barley and Hops for dinner after furniture shopping. It was our first time there, and will not be our last!!!! It was SO good ... the type of meal where you savor each bite! YUMMMMM Of course we got the beer sampler which was fun. It made for an enjoyable evening. It's been a long time since we've been out for a nice dinner like that.

Rain rain go away ....

Man did we get the rain ..... and the tornadoes! I was dodging debris left and right on my way to work! But all in all, besides the dark clouds the day ended up being nice. Work was good ... we had 2 call outs, and called someone in. We were still short so I was giving more than one assignment. Everyone was freaking at the amount of work to do and I was thinking to myself ... okay, this is would have been a GREAT assignment at my previous hospital! Man the difference!!! So off I go ... do first rounds and most of my oxygen rounds to everyone's amazement!!! AND I charted MY way since there wasn't any supervisors on to breathe down my neck! Go figure, I could do that "HUGE" assignment AND chart MY way and finish in plenty of time!!! What's that tell you?

Bart spent the day working at the townhouse in the basement. He moved a good bit of clothes as well. He probably got more work done than if I had been off and with him. We went to Home Depot after I got home and bought a few things for the townhouse. It's fun buying things ... new light fixtures, etc. Now if I could just get everything packed and moved!!!!

What a way to spend Friday .....

and a rainy Friday at that! I got a call at 850AM and ended up going into work ... I'm way too flexible! Seems I have "charting issues" ... give me a break!!!! I was give a big FIVE patients to see first rounds, and THREE second! I was hovered over by my supervisor (the male one) which I totally hated, especially since he kept taking notes! He got on me as I started to go into room #2 to start the treatment because I didn't enter anything into my handheld .... so I had to stand there and enter the start of the treatment (waste of time). By the time I had one more patient to do I was getting ready to go into the room and he got on me AGAIN for not charting IN the room as I did everything. First of all ... to me, that's rude .... I'm not going to stand at a patients bedside and ask questions and enter into a handheld, I'm sorry! I'd rather ask them in conversation and write it down and enter it later. So I simply said to him, I can't do that, it's too overwhelming for me. Don't you think that would be enough? Nope, he looked at me and said overwhelming, how could that be overwhelming .... how's your breathing on a scale of 1 to 10, enter it in, etc. To that I said, I'm not sure what you don't understand about it's too overwhelming, but I'd be more than happy to get a note from my doctor explaining it!!! (At this point I was beyond mad ... and wasn't in a good mood to start with.) Now get this .... his response .... I don't need anything from your doctor, it's just a matter of if you can do the job or not, and if you can't you might need to reconsider career's! EXCUSE ME!!!!! Let me back up and remind you the previous hospital I worked at was over 2 times the size of this one (probably more like 3+ times), and we were worked to death! We did the work of at least 2 therapists! So having someone give me crap about not being able to do my job .... don't go there! When I know more during a code then anyone in the room (and I mean anyone) there's a problem ... when I am called into a patients room when they're having a problem and the nurse is freaking and has no clue what to do .... I know, stay calm and control the situation. My patients love me, I get compliments left and right .... so don't tell me I can't do my job!!!! And a little background on the supervisor who I knew when he was a therapist .... sloppy work, did enough to get by (if that), and slept most of his shift. He might know his stuff ... but didn't show it in his work!!!!!!!!!!! So after rounds I did my oxygen rounds and we ventured down to the department. Thankfully there was someone in the department so he left me alone for a break!!!!!! I was told to go to breakfast and then come to his office. Once in his office the "talk" began!!! Let me tell you, it was hard to sit through this .... I almost just said forget it and walked out, but knew better! Half the things I got "talked to" about were things nobody bothered to tell me during my "orientation". I guess I'm just suppose to know these things somehow. I was going by my previous hospitals protocols, which of course are different. But he didn't seem to care. He actually said, "I don't know if you're lazy, unorganized, or just don't want to adjust" I tried to bite my tongue, and did for the most part, but I spoke my mind and informed him that I was NOT lazy, very organized (hello look at my assignment paper), and not wanting to adjust ... not the case! OVERWHELMING TO CHART AS I GO!
It helped that I could vent to some co-workers who pretty much don't like him ... didn't like him as a therapist and can't believe he's a supervisor nit picking tiny things. So I'll play the game until they're finished looking over my shoulder. I did find it rather funny that I'm not good enough to come off orientation; however, I'm good enough to work the weekend as scheduled. Explain that one would ya!

Work bites

I got had a message on my machine yesterday to give my boss a call. Of course by the time I got it, she had left for the day. So I spent the rest of the evening (and night) wondering why she would be calling .... I mean, it wasn't a supervisor, it was the head lady .... the hire, fire lady. The message said it was nothing big she just wanted to chat, but still ... we're talking me, the one who obsesses and thinks the worse, the one with anxiety!

So I call her back, leave a message and give her my cell number to call me back on .... which she did a little before 8 this morning. It seems she was calling yesterday to see if I coud come in today and tomorrow for more orientation. I got out of today by saying I had made plans that were already in place and apologized but said I'd be there tomorrow. UGH!!! So now I work Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday!!!! I tried to get out of the weekend, but she said it was up to me .... if I felt comfortable working I could. Yes I feel comfortable working .... so there goes my weekend. Also there goes my 3 days a week schedule, because she's putting me back on orientation!!!! I'm not letting her touch next weeks schedule because I have plans on the days I have off ... my parents are coming in town. But I guess after that I will be back to Monday through Friday! I guess the positive thing is .... a bigger pay check!

As far as extending my orientation ... that's fine, I haven't really been oriented which is the problem. You tell me a few things and throw me out with an assignment. I don't know the policies, protocall, where supplies are, etc ... but I can give treatments, etc. But the problem lies within my CHARTING. I explained to her that I can NOT chart as I go, I've tried it and it's too overwhelming ... I actually said that, it's too overwhelming, that's big for me to admit that. She understood (which really she didn't because she doesn't know me "situation") how it could be because it's all new. Then she said she really would like feedback, etc from me on the charting and why it's being such a problem as a new person coming in. That's when I feel like I'm being used as a test subject!

After every round I run my report to look for zero's which I 99% of the time have ... if I don't, I fix it so I do. So I'm not sure what the problem is. She said that (I forget the name I used before for the women supervisor .... ) whomever was looking over my charting and has found things she wants to go over with me. That's fine ... but don't give me an assignemt and JUST ORIENT me. I wish I would have said that, but didn't ... maybe I'll get a chance to talk with her tomorrow and explain everything.

So now I'm a mess ... big shock! I was up all night having anxiety and then wake up to this phone call!!! So I can tell you right now how my day is going to be ... pretty much how it is now ... crying, shaking, having trouble breathing, having anxiety attacks! And of course ... Bart's work is too important to leave to come home to help. Make me feel wanted and loved why don't you!

Bart's new toy

Last night I was told I needed to be home to sign for a package ... I had to drag it out of him, but finally he told me, well actually showed me a picture of, what I was signing for. A new lap top! Okay, we each have a desktop (he has two) as well as a laptop ..... another laptop, not needed. A new couch ... needed!

He's in love though ... it's shiney and silver so he loves it, it's a sickness only another geek would understand. He was looking at it and playing around and actually said, "this is so beautiful, I could cry".

Now I have to admit it's cool .... it's little and cute, I'd trade my laptop in for it.... but I have a feeling mine will get sold and once again I'll get his hand me down. But ... it's what I get for loving a geek! :)

Paint and border.....

Well it's settled, I've picked out the paint for the upstairs hall bedroom as well as an adorable border!!!! Not I just need to figure out how to do it. It's 2 colors, so I'm thinking the border in the middle ... but not sure how it will look. So we shall see .....


I'm not feeling well tonight. We went out to eat at a Chinese buffet and it wasn't pretty afterwards. Bart claims I was sick because I didn't take my meds ... who knows.


Today work wasn't bad .... I still have a lot to learn and they don't seem to care. I don't know how to run ABG's, etc. VERY frustrating!!!! You'd think they would have trained me on the equipement they use during my 2 week orientation. GO FIGURE

The joy of mail

Don't you love getting packages and cards in the mail???

Today I got not only a package, but a card as well .... JACKPOT! I received my Stampin' Up! order (Right At Home stamp set and Going Gray ink pad for those wondering) as well as a very nice card from my mom saying how proud she is of me for going back to work. What a great mom I have!!!

Borientation

Today was the hospital orientation ... so not a fun way to spend 8 hours!! But I have to admit it was better than the one I went to for the prior hospital I worked at.

We learned all kinds of stuff ... mostly common sense stuff, but by law they have to tell us. They worst part is ... I could have bailed out early because there wasn't anything they handed out at the end saying we completed it ... just marked us off at the begining! Oh well!

Bedtime ...

Well, it's 1030 and I should be in bed but I don't want to go. I'm exhausted, but I don't want the weekend to end.

Bart got home around 830PM, Socrates and I greated him outside ... we were both really glad to see him!!!!!

I had a rough day ... panic attacks pretty much all day, and of course depression ... they go hand in hand. I'd have an attack then be depressed I had it and beat myself up for having the attack and being depressed which would cause another one!!!! Vicious cycle! The worst one I had was around 7PM and I ended up calling Bart crying (I didn't want to do it, but I had to). Shyam wasn't at his computer like he should have been!!!!! I was freaking out ... and was dizzy, couldn't breath ... typical stuff. Stupid me gets out my pulse ox and checks my oxygen level .... 75!!!!!!!! I FREAKED!!!!!!!!!! Of course this made everything worse ... and of course I kept the pulse ox on to keep an eye on myself, like that helped anything. By the time I called Bart I was in the 80's but still freaking. He finally convinced me to take it off and he calmed me down.
When having anxiety attacks you breath more shallow, sometimes hyperventilate, which means less oxygen is getting to your brain. (Less oxygen to the brain is what causes the "crazy thoughts" that are sometimes had during attacks). A healthy person's oxygen level should be in the mid to high 90's. Mine runs around 97%

So that's that ... my life, it sucks!!! But tomorrow is another day (what's up with that saying ... well ya it's another day, duh!!!)

Sunday ... Monday blues

I slept most of the day ..... I got up at 6AM, noonish, but neither time stayed up for more than an hour or two.

Bart's on the road .... he should be home around 8PM tonight. It will be nice to see him!! I've talked to him a few times, and he sounds wide awake which is good! I'm glad he slept in longer than he had wanted!

Feeling depressed today because tomorrow is Monday and it's back to work! I have the stupid hospital orientation tomorrow which they're ALWAYS boring!!! I'm NOT looking forward to that at all. Then I work tuesday ... off a few days then work friday and saturday!! ICK!!!!!

There's so much to do here it's not funny ... we have so much stuff that needs packed and I don't even know where to start. Well, getting boxes is the first step! :) The good thing is, we can move a little at a time .... which is what we'll have to do, especially with my scrapbook room. I have no idea how to pack most of this stuff up ... it will be more of a pick it up and take it over type of thing. We'll see.

My Saturday

Well ... getting up early and going to the ribbon factory didn't happen! What the heck was I thinking????? I got to my sisters around 1230 (rather than the between 1130 and noon like I was suppose to). We left for Boonsboro days. We got the PERFECT parking spot and off we went ...... The weather was much warmer than both of us thought it was going to be .... very hot actually. I ended up buying a few dip and rub mixes, but saw a lot that I would have liked to have. After we were finished there we went back to her house and had some bread and dipping sauce she made from one of the mixes she bought. Very good! We then decided to go to a furniture store and I found the CUTEST desk and hutch type thing I MUST have for the kitchen at the townhouse!!!! They were in the "bargain basement" floor models only ... so there's only one of each!!! But man oh man what a deal!!!!!! There's 3 colors of each and I want the cream .... hopefully nobody snags them until I can get Bart there to see them and get the okay! :) They also had some nice kitchen table and chair sets at nice prices, but IKEA is much cheaper. I can get an unfinished table there and finish it to match the two pieces from the furniture store for 50 bucks then get some chairs from my father in law and finish those. So we'll see what Bart thinks! My niece came over tonight and we worked in my scrapbook room bagging things for the show I have next month. She actually worked really well!! The last time all she did was take breaks!!! :) She's grounded so was told if she came over she had to work. Now it's almost midnight and here I sit ... beat! Socs is already in bed ... he tried to get me to go awhile ago, but I didn't. Now I'm falling asleep .. so off I go .................

Saturday in Florida

Bart went with the "crew" to St. Pete's today and found the perfect spot for the truck. Went to Target and bought them food, water, etc because none of them are smart enough to do that!!!! Then he headed back to Orlando. I talked to him on his way back to Orlando and he was looking forward to getting back to the Hilton. He was even going to hit Downtown Disney for dinner and of course soak up that Disney air. But as soon as he was walking into the hotel that was put to an abrupt stop.

They were going out to dinner and broke something on the truck!!!!!!!!!! He was infuriated (to put it lightly). They talked him out of going down there (which they're lucky he didn't). So they went to Home Depot and were talked through fixing it. So Bart's night was ruined, as was getting to bed early so he could get an early start. But he got room service and said it was delicious, so all wasn't lost. He did say he was going to go to the scrapbook store in Downtown Disney and pick me up some things!!!!!! (Is he not the most thoughtful guy?)

I talked to Shyam earlier who's braving his second hurricane ... he said the weather in St. Pete's was gorgeous, so he's enjoying it while he can. If only he could keep the truck in one piece!!!!

TGIF

Friday ... finally!!!

Work went fine, I actually took a full load today (it's about time)!! I still had a lot of down time even though I spent a lot of time with some of the patients just talking, etc. I read charts, histories, etc ... I love doing that, I'm nosey, not to mention I find it interesting.

Bart made it to Orlando safely .... he arrived a little past noon, checked into the Hilton and got settled in. I'm not sure what else he did ... I'm waiting to talk to him again tonight.

I talked to my sister tonight and she's going to be keeping me occupied while Bart's gone. Tomorrow will be a full day of fun ... we're going to Boonsboro Days which is a big flea market/craft show. I've never been, but have heard a lot of great things about it. I've also seen some great deals Brenda has gotten. I also plan to get up a little early and go to the ribbon factory before going to Brenda's, but we all know me and getting up early! :) So we shall see.

Huricane Ivan ....

Well, in about an hour Bart (that's my husband) will be leaving for Florida. He's going to be driving to Orlando to check the truck to make sure everything is running smoothly to hopefully prevent any problems of getting the data from Ivan. He even bought a little generator which is cute!

Tonight wasn't a fun night .... I stupidly spent half of it snubbing him and being mad because he's leaving when I've had such a rough time with my anxiety. Then finally I broke down and lost it ... had a bad anxiety attack and then we talked. I hate having anxiety!!!!!! I think I was staying mad at him to one, prevent myself from having an anxiety attack (I still can't just let it ride, I have to fight them .... not the thing to do, but it's me), and two, in the hopes he would just not go. Selfish, yes ... but I depend on him a lot .... especially when I have my bad attacks, which has been a lot lately. I now feel really bad because he's so worried about me and how I'll do .... that's not what I wanted to do, yet I did! He's not real keen on going anyway and it honestly wasn't my intention to make going even harder for him.

Sooooooo .... he's leaving tonight with a guy from the IT department I don't know. They're going to drive through the night to Orlando (taking turns driving). Bart will then work on the truck ... visit some sites in the area to look at them and insure they stay up and his plan is to be back Sunday. He'll be driving back by himself .... that's a long drive by yourself!! Luckily it's a drive he's done many times since we frequent Disney a lot so he knows the way like the back of his hand (not that it's a complicated trip though).

I understand it's something he HAS to do because he is the one that knows the truck and how to fix and trouble shoot it. It's just bad timing .... but isn't Mother Nature that way usually? And I should be thinking of those that Ivan has hit and will hit and how lucky I am to be in Maryland out of the way of disaster. I feel for those in Florida who are getting hit one after another ... my heart goes out to them!

I work tomorrow .... 7A-3P .... then I'm off until Monday. I'm not sure what I'll do over the weekend ... but I'll keep myself busy I'm sure.

One more day until the weekend

Work wasn't bad today ... a bit boring, but okay. I'm getting more use to the charting, but there is still a lot that hasn't been gone over with me. Not much of an orientation if you ask me!!!!!!

Death

Something that we all have to deal with, and it's something nobody likes to deal with. Personally it's one of those taboo things in my life .... when there's a death of a loved one, I go through the motions, but don't really "deal" with it. It's something that's in my mind always, and thought about weekly, if not daily. To me, death isn't fair ... yes it's a part of life, but it's a part of life that's just not fair. When my Grandparents died, they were elderly and had Alzheimer's. My Grandfather was in his 90's, but even so it wasn't fair. They both lived a full live, lived to see there 7 children marry and see there 20something grandchildren born and grow up. They even got to see many of there great grandchildren born. But I feel I missed out, I missed out on having them see me get married, my husband missed out on meeting them. My Grandfather use to always say when I did something for him he'd dance at my wedding (that was his thank you). I couldn't help but think of him on my wedding day ... I know he was dancing, I just couldn't see it. I would give anything to have them alive and well today ... to spend time with, and learn more about them. I can still hear him singing and whistling, and I can still see my Grandmother in the kitchen smiling ... she had a beautiful smile. Then there's my aunt .... she died suddenly, nobody expected it ... just out of nowhere BAM she's gone!!!! We had a shopping trip planned, and dinner out for my birthday. Now that's not fair! She never got to see her first grandchild born, something she would have loved. She wanted grandchildren more than anything. Everytime someone leaves their blinker on when driving I think it's her saying hi ... I can't do anything but just look up and smile.And Amy .... 18 years old, thrown out of the car through the front windshield a week before her graduation coming back from visiting the college she would have attended in the fall. Amy had so much to give .... a talented athlete, an intelligent person, and one of the nicest people who was a friend of many. Her death was an awakening for me ... a time when I questioned God. All my life I had been taught how wonderful God was and all the great things he did and could do ... then he takes away my friend and spares the others in the car. Phone calls .... you always get the phone call when there is a death and for whatever reason when that phone rings you somehow know what the person on the other end is calling for. Your heart leaps to your throat. I've never understood that .... a sense we have, or at least I have. How any other time the phone can ring and you don't react that way .... but when it's about a death, you know it.

Townhouse ....

It's ours, we're doing it ...... and I have to admit (even though I would rather buy a home) it's smarter to do. And being 5 minutes from Mo is a plus! :)

My sister and my mom are both so excited! My sister called today to tell me the painters will be finished tomorrow and the carpet will be cleaned next week. So we can start moving in whenever. So that's a good thing. Also I'm to go and pick out how I want the kitchen and powder room done and let her know ..... so that's cool! It will look really nice, I'm excited ..... if I could only get some new furniture out of it! (IKEA maybe)

Two more days to go .....

Two more day then I'm off until Monday .... stupid hospital orientation on Monday though!!!! Those are always SO boring ... I'm taking a book!!

Today at work was good ... worked on my own, no supervisor today ... whoohooo!! I was given a light assignment (I had like 4 treatments, PLEASE) and then I pretty much helped everyone out because it was "busy". Such a different pace than I'm use to ... it will take some adjusting!!
I can tell you now that I will NEVER go to that hospital for anything!! Today in the AICU a lady on the ventilator went into v-tach, her heart rate was up to 250 for a good 5 minutes. You should have seen the nurses running around, tripping over each over. The dr's didn't really know much, or they did but didn't want to do it (like shocking her, or thumping her) since she was awake, etc. It was rediculous, I was embarrassed ..... and sad that out of the 10 people in the room I knew what to do! What's wrong with that picture!!!!! I mean, they're critical care nurses! Sad!!!!!!

Instant Messagening ... random thought

Nothing irks me more than to be talking to someone via IM and then without warning they're not there .... "I'm currently away from my computer".

How rude is that?

Townhouse viewing

Townhouse viewing, sounds like it died and we went to the viewing before the funeral!!!!

Tonight we met my sister at her old townhouse (she's been renting it for 6+ years). She can't find renters that she's happy with and wants us to rent it (we rent a small single family now). So of course my husband loves the idea ... more space, cheaper rent, we wouldn't have to rearange our living space for the homestudies (need a babies room), etc. I on the other hand want to buy!!!! I'm sick of renting, we've rented this house 6+ years!!! (yes my sister and I moved around the same time)

So I guess we'll be moving next month into the townhouse ..... then after our adoption is finalized moving AGAIN into a house we buy. So we pack, move, unpack, decorate .... wait a year or two and do it again. Sound fun? I think not!

Groundhog

How sad to be driving home ... coming up the hill to see the car in front of you swerve to go around something. I slow down and do the same, but saw what the something was ... a groundhog!!! I instantly burst into tears, this poor little guy was lying on his back wiggling it's arms and legs ... blood on the road. So what do I do ... pull over, I wanted to help him!!! I call my husband at work (still crying) and ask where I could take it, etc. Of course I could tell he thought I was a total moron to one be crying, and two wanting to take a groundhog to the vet. He informed me there was nothing I could do. What was I suppose to do, leave it there to suffer (yes I'm crying again just thinking about it)? When I voiced this to my husband he of course said, well you could run over it a few times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!?!?!?!?!?
So I left (not running over it, but watching it twitch in my rearview mirror) feeling helpless, while this poor animal laid in the middle of the road dieing!!

Another day of work ....

Today was much better than the last few days at work. I worked with another therapist rather than having a supervisor watch my every move. We split a workload and it worked out great. I did my charting, etc how I was comfortable and had no problems. Hopefully from here on out this is how it will be ...... fingers crossed.

A three day weekend??

Where did that go??? It's almost 10PM and the 3 day weekend is over .... man does time fly! Tomorrow I work AGAIN 7-3, which means I have to get up WAY too early!!! (Have I mentioned I hate mornings?) But at least this is a four day week rather than a five day week ... so I guess that's a positive thing. (Man, thinking positive hurts!)

My husband talked to Shyam a few minutes ago and he's on his way home ... chillin' in a Lincoln Towncar. Not a limo, but not bad. So the storm chase is over (for him anyway), so mom you can stop worrying! My question is .... how many pairs of shoes did he take??? I've never asked him that! I'll update you.

Well, I guess that's it ... you may now return to your regularly scheduled programming!!

Monday Monday ......

Well it's Labor Day .... so we labored! :) We put together the designer kits for the store that needed done a few weeks ago. So that's done and out of the way ... shew!

Of course I slept in again today ... around noonish, maybe closer to one! :) But it felt good! Talked with Shyam and things were well in Orlando ... they were driving to Savanah Georgia to leave the truck at a TV station to gather data from when Frances swoops back in. The weather was just rain and thunderstorms which is what you'd expect. He did however see a funnel cloud which is rather cool!!
There flight was to leave at 7PM, but was delayed, but they are now in the air and heading home.

Talked to my sister today ... she's trying to get us to rent their townhome. They've been renting it for about 6 years and they just want someone in it now they can trust, etc. Upside ... it would have more room than we do now, and a fenced yard (small, but fenced yard nonetheless) for Socs. Downside is, I want to buy! I don't want to pack, move, unpack, decorate, get settled, then move again! I just want to move and get it over with and not have that to worry about anymore. The rent would be a bit more than what we're paying now, but we pay a large electric bill where there we wouldn't ... so maybe it would even out. But, there are TWO homes I really like that are for sale now ... so why not look at those before making the decision? Renting is just throwing away money .... I'd rather it be going to something, gathering equity, not to mention the taxes! I want something that is mine .... so what to do???

Tomorrow is another day at work ... yuck!!!! I'm toughing it out though. I think I have the man supervisor so that should be better. I just hope I'm left alone to do my work!!!!!

Anxiety, it's my disease

Anxiety is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences at times. Many people feel anxious, or nervous, when faced with a problem at work, or before taking a test or making an important decision.

Anxiety disorders are quite common, affecting about 20-25 million Americans, and unfortunately I’m one of them.

People with an anxiety disorder have feelings of terror that strike suddenly and repeatedly with absolutely no warning. My therapist gave me a perfect example. On September 11th, when the first plane hit the World Trade Center, then the second, the people in those building and around felt panic and anxiety, rightly so. They had a perfectly good reason to feel these emotions. I can be standing in line at the grocery store and out of nowhere, without warning I feel the same emotions those in the crumbling buildings felt. But I have no reason … other than this horrible disease.

Having an anxiety attack is terrifying. I get dizzy, I can’t breath, I feel as if somebody is choking me, I shake, I cry, I have uncontrollable obsessive thoughts, dry mouth, and I feel totally out of control and like there is no way back. I feel like I’m going crazy!

I know to well the awful body sensations, and the feeling of going crazy. I became afraid "it" would happen again and afraid of where it might happen. I started becoming apprehensive and anxious of going out places or into situations I wasn’t in control of out of pure fear this would happen in public. Anxiety began to take over my life, it became almost impossible to deal with life's everyday situations. I knew that I needed to get help. If I didn't get help, I was going to be like this forever.

So that's just what I did ... I got help. July 2003 my anxiety was so bad I couldn't go to work, I couldn't even leave the house (not even to get the mail). I had let the disease take over my life and I didn't know how to get my life back. I started going to counceling, and also seeing a physchitrist for medication because obviously my Zoloft that my family doctor perscribed wasn't helping. Through counceling I have learned my "triggers" (stress is a big one) and also how to live and deal with this disease. It took me a long time to come to the relization that anxiety was a disease and one that wasn't going anywhere, but I've finally become one with my disease. I had a bad few (9 + months) of going back and forth with different medications ... some worked, some didn't, but FINALLY we found a combination that works.

It's now been over a year since it all happened and I feel like a totally different person (for the better). I can not only go out to get the mail, but I can go to the store, go to work, and deal with every day situatoins. As the Olympics just showed some hurdles you'll leap over clearly and others you'll crash through, and they'll hurt but you CAN make it to the finish line!

September, what a wonderful month!

This is it ... the month is should all be happening, our daughter should be conceived sometime this month!!! I can't help but think about it, what the parents are like, what the circumstances are that they will be giving birth to a girl and abandoning her. I can't fathom doing that, nor can I fathom how many children (mostly girls) are abandoned daily in China! Left in boxes by the side of the road, laid in with the produce in a store, left by the train tracks ... turning a baby in is against the law, so the mothers abandon them. So hard to believe ... one minute you have a beautiful baby, the next you're leaving it .... do they linger to see who picks them up? Does that day haunt them for the rest of there lives? I do have to say that I will forever be grateful to one mother in China who will abandon a baby girl. She probably doesn't even know the events that will take place in her life yet ... maybe it's a planned pregnancy, but one in hopes for a boy. Maybe it was a pregnancy the government doesn't know about ... but whatever it is ... thank you! That baby girl that is conceived this month will be abandoned, found, and put in an orphanage. That baby girl will live in the orphanage until she is six months or so ... and then, she will be adopted. It's not the way I would like my daughters life to start out ... abandoned, living in an orphanage, getting adopted by two American people and taken to the US which is totally different than her homeland. But this is how it is, and I am grateful for it ..... it sounds crazy saying ... "thanks for abandoning your daughter" but without that I wouldn't have a daughter. So yes, thanks! Don't get me wrong ... I wish this wasn't the way that many Chinese girls start there lives. It's a culture much different than the one I know. It breaks my heart the numbers of children that start there lives in an orphanage ... it breaks my heart even more the number of children that live the biggest part of there life or all of there life in an orphanage!!! But yes ... thank you!!! I don't know you ... you don't know me, and probably never will, but thank you! Thank you for giving me an opportunity to be a mother! I can't wait until the day my daughter is placed in my arms! That date seems so far away ...

Storm Chasers

Well, they've arrived in Orlando .... and yes of course I'm jealous!!!

They arrived at the Hilton in Downtown Disney around 9:30PM ..... much to there dismay Paris Hilton wasn't there to greet them. But they did get a nice clean room, and will get a wonderful dinner, shower, and everything they have been missing.

The roads from Daytona to Orlando were just wet (go figure .... when it's raining the roads get wet) and the drive was just fine.

So where are you going now that you've battled Frances ..........

Finally a new computer ...

You know the movie Field of Dreams where they said "if you build it they will come"? Well, if you complain it will come .... a new computer that is!
My old computer was a year old, maybe more ... but it was getting on my last nerve and I complained a lot about it. So one day my wonderful husband informed me he had ordered me something I had been wanting. (Gee, narrow it down a little why don't you!) Then is was something I complain about a lot .... ummmm, I complain about virtually everything! Finally I got it out of him .... a new computer. It came last week and he transferred all my "crap" (that's his word not mine) onto it and I set it up today. NICE computer .... flat screen too!!
It pays off to be married to a computer geek! :)

Daytona update ....

The winds have died down, and the truck is still standing by the flood wall. The winds have been sustained around 50, and they've gotten 3+ inches of rain. Not particularly a day at the beach!
The two guys maning the truck have been without electric since 8AM this morning. The have been drinking water and eating MRE's, but are running out of MRE heaters. Not a fun job ... but someone has to do it.

Good news .... they're heading to Orlando around 8PM. Shyam plans on getting room service, a massage, and not to mention a shower. They'll be flying home tomorrow at 7PM .... I'm sure it will be nice to be back home in good 'ol Maryland where it's currently 75 degrees and winds sustained at 6.

Shyam wanted me to add that he's the cutest storm chaser out there. So I added it .... just don't hold it as fact, it's just a figment of his imagination.

Frances will be going back out to the water for aproximently 8-10 hours and gain more force and spead before coming back to land into the Florida panhandle. The storm chasers will not be experiencing the Florida panhandle, as I said ... they'll be safe at home getting some much well deserved rest.

House hunting ....

This just sucks .... why is it that my husband refuses to look at houses? We're in the market, we NEED to move but when I find a house I like we don't look at it. Explain that for me?

I found one yesterday ... newly listed and right in our price range. I looked it up on the computer and it had pictures of the inside and WOW!!! Move in condition!!! So why not look at it? His excuse ... it will be snatched up fast! UGH!!!! Is it any wonder why I'm cranky so much?

Frances has hit Daytona

Frances hit Daytona Florida, the winds picked up around 2AM this morning. They were 25-30 miles per hour sustained which is pretty windy!! The truck was back up around 1130 and at that time winds were sustained at 40 miles per hour. Right now wind gust have been as great 73 miles per hour and are sustained at 64!!!! Mary Poppins will be flying through any minute.

Mother Nature is a wonderful thing, but watch out when she gets angry! Shyam, hold on to your hat and stay safe!!!! Maybe if you're nice I'll make you cookies for when you return.

Lies and Nails

Today I looked at my fingernail and noticed I had a white mark on it (down under where the white of the nail is). It reminded me of something my Grandmother use to say .... she said that you got those marks from telling a lie.

Haven't thought of that for years .... and did today, so I felt the need to share! :)

Frances ....

Well, it's here ... not here as in where I am, but here as in here in the states. My husbands company has storm chasers in Florida (Daytona) and his job has been to sit in front of the computer and watch data all day. (Fun job) So that he has done ... that and talk on the phone with them. Funny thing is ... the two guys that are there getting the data aren't really getting much support so to speak. Those writing the "reports" about the huricane are all comfy in a nice hotel with room service in Orlando! And they are writing stupid articles about cookies fresh from the oven at the resort, etc. (Hello, a little info about the weather would be nice .... you're not on a vacation people!!) Meanwhile in Daytona they have no power, no food besides MRE's. What's wrong with that picture?

Hopefully Frances doesn't do too much damage to those she touches, many towns are still getting over the devastating damage from Charley!

Saturday ....

I LOVE to sleep in, actually; I just love to sleep!!!

Our bathtub faucet has been leaking for a week or so now ... gradually it has gotten worse, which I guess is how most leaks do. This morning the plummer called and said he could be out this morning. (A plumber working on a Saturday and not charging more ... they do exsist!) Well he came and fixed the leak ... and was gone. Suposidly I was told this morning that he was coming, etc but I don't remember a thing!! Our bedroom is right beside the bathroom and I didn't hear him sawing or anything. I do remember Socrates barking (he was put into the bedroom with me so he would leave the plumber alone), but I didn't think much of it ..... just told him to hush up and go back to sleep .... which he did (he loves to sleep too). So either I was really tired, or my medications are just wonderful! I think it was a combo .... and that with the door closed and the fan on, you don't hear much outside noise.

We got up around 1ish and started the day .... or should I say Socrates and I got up around 1ish, my husband had been up for hours.

Let's see .... we started the day by going to the hospital so I could run the pager that I brought home by accident yesterday back to the department. (And I thought I wouldn't have to see that place until Tuesday) Then we went to Target ..... I'm a Target lover!!!! LOVE that red bullseye and that cute dog!! Target is the store for me! The only thing today was flies ... oh my goodness!! They were everywhere and tons of them! Everyone was swatting and complaining. We still haven't figured what was up with that. After leaving Target we went to the library (yes I'm going to bore you with what all I did up until now) to drop off some books. Then to eat .... we were hungry!!! Chipoltes it was .... yum! Love that place!!! Can't beat a veggie barieto and chips and guacamole!! Wow ... slept in, Target, AND Chipoltes all in one day!!! :)

I left out a few things ... one ... we drove around and looked at a couple houses (we're in the market) and drove by "my house" which is near the hospital. I'm in love with this house ... we haven't gotten to look inside YET, but we will and soon! I just love it. There's something about it. Driving by it I thought, cute house. But when we drove back into the driveway (it's vacant) I fell in love. I can't really figure out why, but there's just something about it ..... it gave me this homey feeling.

Okay .... I think that pretty much summed it up. Boring I know, but it's my life ....

Warm Fuzzies ....

I went to JoAnn Fabrics tonight to get out of the house .... as I was looking through the scrapbook section there was a mother and daughter looking as well. They were debating over glue .... After listening for awhile I found out the daughter was starting to scrapbook (she looked around 10ish) and the mother knew nada. The mom pointed to photo tabs and asked about those to the daughter .... and she said, ya we used those too. So the debated over the gazillion types of glue. So I chimed in ..... "those really don't hold well" The mother looked up and said thanks! She proceded to ask me questions about the various glue and I gave her my opinion ... (I'm a glue stick girl). After finding out I knew way too much about this wonderful hobby she asked if I would mind to answer some more questions. (Heck no, are you crazy .... love it!)

So I talked and answered there questions and gave my suggestions on what was better (in my opinion), etc. I told her the basics to start out and the mother was very happy to have me answer there questions. Of course she asked if I had a card so I gave her one .... told them to email me if they had any more questions that I'm more than happy to help. They both thanked me over and over. Just makes you feel good ... sharing your knowledge about your love of something.

Positives and Negatives

Well I've decided that every Friday I'll write the positives and negatives of my week ... good idea? We shall see ....

Positives .... it's over
Negatives .... it starts again Monday (well, Tuesday since Monday is a holiday)

Another day another dollar

Well today I had a different supervisor (we'll call her jane), not sure my feelings on her. She's very detail oriented which isn't a bad thing really.
I started out the day okay .... felt anxious to start out with, almost cried on the way to work, but talked myself out of it. I think it was the aftermath from yesterday. I get to work ... get my assignment and get report, get the meds I needed ... so far so good. Then I had to do the thingy on the computer .... did that and uploaded my patients into my handheld. Jane then asked to see my paper and looked it over... made some notes and off we went. On the way to the floor I had I told her I would need help with 2 things ... one, I wasn't familiar with one of the medications I was giving. It's new and I didn't know how to give it to the patient. And two, I had a trach patient that needed a speaking valve inserted and it's been probably 3-4 years since I've done that since I work nights.
We get to the floor she tells me to check my orders (like I didn't know that) and to do the treatments on the one side first. She suggested checking 2 orders, then putting them on .... take them off, then check 2 more, etc. Personally I prefer checking them all at once but of course I can't do that ... 2 at a time! What happened to personal preference? So that's what I did .....
She also told me to chart as I went along and she would drag the computer (laptop on wheels) behind me and check on it. So I go into the first room ... she goes in with me!!! WHAT! The other supervisor didn't do that, just stayed outside the room when he was around. It made me extremely uncomfortable, like I was a student or something. And let me add here .... not profesional in my opinion ... she'd take calls (supervisors carry a phone) while in the room with me! Hello, step into the hall!
Well I'd get my patient started ... write my info on my paper ... go out into the hall and chart. Go to the next patient do the same. Then I went took off the first patient, went into the hall and charted the end treatment, and etc.
With her tailing me and making me so nervous it took me twice as long to do everything. And then she wanted to take a breakfast break prior to doing oxygen rounds. I don't really like a breakfast break ... I eat before I go in and I'm good until lunch. So I asked if I could do oxygen rounds and meet her in the cafe. Stupid me ... what was I thinking? No no no ... she needed to be there!!!!
So we're walking to the elevator and she says ..... "here's what I want to see during your oxygen rounds and the next rounds .... you charting as you go, as in get the information and enter it into your handheld, don't write it down. Use the gel or wash your hands before and after each patient. (okay I know that's how you're supose to do it ... but why? If you do it before the first patient, then after the first ... and after everyone thereafter why do you have to do it before as well? Your hands aren't getting "contaminated" going from one room to another!!!!!)
So breakfast break it was .... but first we had to go to the department to run the ever popular reports so she could look over them during breakfast and make sure there weren't mistakes, etc. So that we did ... and everything was perfect.
I'll spare you the boring oxygen and second rounds complaining.
A little before 2 I was finished and off to the department. Jane had to do a eval so I was in the departement to run my reports, etc. I was even running them without being told! The stupid printer would not print!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally after others had trouble as well, we figured out the problem and fixed it. All was well. So there we are ... 3 of us printing our reports, the bad thing is .... only one person can hit print at once! UGH!!! Finally I got mine printed ... looked at my numbers and they looked fine. Jane came in .... ran her reports for the next shift coming in so they would have there assignments when they walked in. Finally about 3 or a little before she decided to look through every single paper that I printed. There started the red pen (yup, she even used a red pen) circling all my mistakes and uncharted and unbilled things. Let me tell you .... a lot of mistakes. So I fix them ... she looks again, finds more ..... fix those, she finds more. So instead of getting out at 3, it was 430! And want to hear the funny part? (which of course I HAD to point out to her) ALL the mistakes were from when she made me chart "properly". Can you tell me what is wrong with writing the information on your paper and charting after you're finished with each round? It's what I did at my last job and had no problems. And when they don't want you to write anything on your paper .... how can you have information to give the person in report??????
They claim they are going to start cracking down on the "proper charting" because most of the staff doesn't do it as they go along. Hmmmmm, what's that tell you? So you're going to write me up for doing my treatments, etc on time and right, giving good patient care, and getting all my information charted ........ but not charted "properly"??????? Fine ... write me up!! I'm doing my job ... I'm not falsifying records ... I'm just charting how I'm comfortable and how it makes sense to me. Don't tell me I can't do it ... and don't tell me once "busy season" comes I won't have time to do it that way!!!!! The hospital I worked prior to this gave you 3-4 times as much work to do and I had no problems. Give me a break!!!!!!!

Money

I've heard of people sending "bloggers" money ... what's that about?

I could use some money .... adoptions aren't cheap you know! But I know I'm not going to get any money from people reading about my life ....

Well this is it

My first post .... I wish I could think of something profound to say, but of course I can't! Let me just get down and dirty and tell you about my day ....

My alarm went off around 6ish (and by the way, I am NOT a morning person) and of course I hit snooze a zillion and one times until my husband woke me up.
I get to work, park in the parking deck (level three if that's of interest) and start my walk to the hospital. I go to the entrance I usually enter through and my badge wouldn't work! Great way to start off the day! So after standing there at the ambulance bay looking like a complete and total moron swiping my badge a cazillion times I resorted to the employee entrance. One would think, myself being an employee would enter in the employee entrance anyway. So I walk back down to the entrance and in I go .... down a flight of stairs, then down the hall and up two flights of stairs. Again swipe ... nothing. So I keep on swiping like a mad women and nothing ... again, great way to start off the day. So up another flight of stairs I go ... go into a door that doesn't need badge access and onto the elevator to go down to the first level. By this time I'm hot, mad, anxious (I have anxiety) and just want to cry. (Have I mentioned the Monday was my first day at this hospital?) I get to where I need to be ... my supervisors office who is "orienting" me. I walked in at 7 acording to the clock on his wall. He's rustling through some papers to see if I was supose to be there and if I was why I wasn't. HELLO .... I'm to get there at 7, and it was 7 on the dot. Okay, so I should be early ... but it wasn't my fauly that my badge didn't work this morning now was it?
So off to the department we go .... he informs me I have the same floor as yesterday (I liked that) and hands me my assignment, tells me to get a handheld and print out a something something and something. Those somethings are numbers ... but I can't remember them to save my life right now. So okay ... I get the handheld and have no clue how to print any of the somethings. So he tells me again how to do it (I write it down this time). I've only been told once ... like I'm going to remember. So then he tells me to get my meds and head to the floor. What? Don't I get report or anything?
My day just got worse ... I felt like crawling in a corner somewhere and just crying and hoping nobody would find me. I check my charts ... start my treatments and I THINK my day is getting better. Nope ... think again Abby. This is where I start asking stupid questions! (Whoever said there are no stupid questions was just plain stupid!!!!) I ask about a QID treatment. (QID is 4 times a day) I'm use to working night shift at my previous hospital and the times we did treatments are a bit different than this one. So who would think that asking when a QID treatment was started would be a dumb question? I was informed everything was done at 7! Alrighty then! Off I go. I get interupted by a nurse .... she's having trouble with a face mask ...it's not misting. I go in .. .it's out of water ...hmmmmm, you think that's why? DUH! So I go again to ask yet another question .... let me add here that when I go to ask a question I stand and wait forever because he's talking to all the nurses and not paying any attention that I need to know things. So I find out where the set up is .... from a nurse, not him to just be told by him that the whole set up needs changed out today that we'll do it later. FINE!
I finish up and off we go ... downstairs to get the set up. I go up by myself to set it up and all is well. As I walk past the nurses station I'm stopped to be informed of an ABG (arterial blood gas) that's need in room xxx. No hurry she said ... just when I have time. Okay ... I had time, I go in ... of course he's having breakfast! So I said I'd come back later.
I go back down and start my charting in the handheld. I take notes on my paper as I did at my previous job and then chart once I'm finished. Not what they want here ... so I'm told over and over and over ALL day about the importance of charting as you do everything, you make less charting mistakes that way. Whatever!
Time for second rounds ... I go do them by myself and chart as I go. (TRYING to be the good employee) I had some questions about how to go back, etc but of course ..... nowhere to be found! So I just did it how I felt was right and went on with life. Finally I go over everything and it's finished (wanted to double check). I decided to call him to find out what I was to do. I'm to run a something something and something again! Well these weren't what I ran earlier so I had no clue how to do it. Yup, I was "oriented" on it ... but that was along with 50 million other things when I was on brain overload. So I sat there for a good 45 minutes trying to figure it out on my own because I didn't want to call my supervisor again because he was in the nursary dealing with a "crisis".
So he comes back ... asks how everything looked and I'm like I have no idea I'm so confused it's not funny. I explained I had questions about charting and didn't know how to run what he asked. So he gives me this look like .... stupid moron and says you've been sitting here all this time just staring at that screen. Ummm, no! I've ben trying to figure it out because I had been told and I was trying to remember. So he tells me, I do it ... take notes and then ... you guessed it, he leaves. Parks me in front of the Policy and Procedure manual and there I sit. He was off to deal with the "crisis" some more and was coming back shortly (so he said).
I read (well looked over what I felt like) all of the Policy and Procedure manual. Finished charting since he never answered my questions. I realized that ABG was never done ... but since there was only 30 odd minutes left in my shift I said screw it. I couldn't run it anyway because I haven't been shown that.
About 20 till I went over to the department because I was bored and wanted out of there. I had a counseling apointment at 3 and wanted to make it on time, or shortly thereafter. Low and behold sitting in the department ... yup, my supervisor. (Thanks for coming back and checking on me!) I staple my "reports" I ran together and threw them in the box. Signed out of my handheld and sat it on the charger. I then asked who I was to give report to .... of course someone beat me to him, so I had to wait. (Figures!) My supervisor asked how my papers looked and I said okay I guess. So of course he gets them and points out all these "problems" to me .... "if you charted as you did everything, things like this wouldn't happen, blah blah blah". Maybe if you were doing your job and actually orienting me and answering my questions things wouldn't happen!!! I forgot to chart one thing (had a question on how to do it and since my questions went unanswered I skipped it). Then he pointed out all these people with oxygen orders that are on room air and doing well .... I should have d/c'd them. Whatever, I did! Pull a new report and look! So back over to give report I go .... shortly after that I was handed a paper ... did you ever get back to this ABG. Ummmm no! I went twice he was eating. His response ... we'll you're going to make it three! WHAT! It's now 5 til 3! So I march out and go stick the guy .... took it and had another therapist run it since I don't know how to use there machine and of course it was venus not arterial! Forget it!
I go back down to the department .... it's now 10 after. Tell him it was venous and I wasn't sticking him again, night shift can get it. So I page my person to give him report and was on my way. Packing up .... "did you chart that CPT?" UGH ... no! Then here it comes again ... if you charted as you did everything you'd be home by now. (Okay, last button he was going to push!) With my attitude (which believe me I have) I looked at him and said no I'd be at my dr. apointment (which he knew about) so I don't have to pay for not showing up!! I think he got the point not to mess with me I had it! I charted and left without a see ya!
Got to my car and it was 330 ..... no way was I going to make my 3 apointment a little late. So I called home to check the messages to see if they called looking for me. THANK GOD my therapist was ill today and wasn't in!!!! I was happy to hear that message!
So I go home .... bawling all the way. Came home .... let Socs out and then watched some movie I have no idea what it was about and I never did figure it out! Socs slept on my lap (ya he thinks he's a lap dog) and I just soaked in the love.

And tomorrow.... I have to go back!!!