My biggest fear became a reality - Part 2

After struggling with the cops, I found myself handcuffed sitting in a hot squad car going to the hospital. It wasn't a pretty sight getting me cuffed, I'm surprised I didn't end up arrested. 10 cops and 5 cars later I arrived at the hospital, embarrassed and scared. I stood outside of the nurses station in the ER surrounded by all these men in blue, hands behind my back, handcuffs way too tight. I felt like people were starring and talking about me, I felt very uncomfortable. I hated it ... I felt so alone and so lost. Finally a nurse came up to me to take me to put on my gown, thankfully one of the cops came over and took the cuffs off. I felt like a criminal when he gave the nurse a look and asked if she would be okay with me. We got to the restroom and the nurse apologized and said she had to watch me undress and put on the gown ... how embarrassing is that??? She asked why all the cops where there, and embarrassingly I explained what had happened and of course started crying. She was nice and comforting, and led me to my "room" after I put on my gown. I had a sitter, and hard restraints where on the bed as requested by the cops. Hard four point restraints! Thankfully they didn't put those on me, I could not have handled that ... it was hard enough being in the back of the squad car cuffed ... I felt like I was sufficating, it was hard to breath, I was totally helpless, I hated it!!
An hour or so later, they alloud my Mom to come back. I was sitting there drinking my ice water crying. It was nice to have my Mom with me. She hugged me and asked if I was mad at her for doing what she did. I was ... I understood why she did what she did, but I was still upset she did it. I've been in her situation before, and did the same thing she did ... 911. I couldn't blame her for what she did, it was a hard thing to do I know. She apologized and gave me a hug. She then told me that my Dad had taken Kaylie and Nicholas to get some subs before the cops came so they weren't there during everything. I was relieved ... I was horified that my niece and nephew had witnessed all of that! Later my Dad came back, then Brenda. Nicholas was in the waiting room, but I didn't want him to see me in the ER with a sitter and hard restraints on the bed. Brenda told me the same thing, Dad had taken them to get subs so they wouldn't be there ... I thanked her. She said they had been worried about me and asking if I was okay because they noticed I was not myself and doing nothing but sobbing. I felt awful ... I hate people worrying about me, especially my niece and nephew.

I met privately with the hospital therapist, he was very nice and I honestly answered all his questions. I let him know that I did not want to be admitted, but I knew how the system was, blah blah blah. He said he was going to meet with my family, talk with them and then he would make his decision of what he was going to do. He then said he wasn't going to lie to me, he was already pretty sure that he was going to admit me. He said I could either sign myself in or he would say I was a danger to myself and others and have me committed. The words "have me committed" sent shivers down my spine ... I was going to be committed, I was going to the mental ward ... my biggest fear was becoming ever so real. He left to go talk to my family, and I stayed there crying ... I knew what was about to happen, and that scared me!

Later he came back, he said he talked to my family and they were very supportive of me. I have a wonderful family ... I knew that. He gave me the paper to sign ... which I did, and then he talked to me some more and then went off to get my nurse to get me upstairs. Mom and Dad came back and kept me company until I was taken upstairs to my room. I hated that a security guard had to escort the nurse and I upstairs ... again I felt like a criminal when I wasn't. I cried the whole way to my room ... I felt like I was on parade through the hospital ... anyone that saw me knew where I was going, why else would someone have a security guard with them??