Yet again ....

Maybe this should be called a mental break, but mentally I'm not on a break. I'm off work until next week after I talk to my psychiatrist. Hopefully she'll change my meds and get me back on track. Why is it I go X months doing great, then BAM it hits me, it's like nothing is working at all.

Of course I feel SUPER guilty with work ... I hate calling out, I hate letting my shift down! And to make it worse ... I had my shower for work, and haven't been back since. Add that to the guilt!!!!

But what am I suppose to do? My head is spinning with the whole adoption delay after delay. Then there's my scrap area which is a TOTAL mess, and I'm SUPER behind on everything, including my store. The store ... that's another story! Then there's all the problems with work ... one person, but still. I don't need the added stress to the fragile system I now have.

So here I am ... anxious and holding out for my appointment. I hope to get my scrap area in order while I'm off ... so I can get that off my list. If only I could enlist some help!!!!!

Fun day

I had such a good day today! After a miserable week or two, finally a good day ... all around.

We had lunch at China Garden which was yummy (vege fried rice for me), then off to Germatown we went. We had so much fun in the baby store looking at everything!!!! CUTE clothes, but I didn't get anything. I wanted some adorable onsies and hats, but passed them by. I'll go back when I know a size.

We got some small toys for the trip, biting rails (not the real name, but you know what I mean) for the crib, and a carrier to try out. Fun time!! And to make it even better, not one complaint out of Bart!!! :)

We then went to 7-11 to get a drink ... very bummed that they didn't have the Frog Slurpee!!! Why can't I find that anywhere? They did have the Frog drink, so I settled for that, but not as good!!! Shyam you're to blame for getting me addicted to those!!!!!!

So we sang and talked on our way back into Frederick. We went to Kohls and got some yummy fleece sheets!!!! Then to Best Buy to check out camcorders and digital camera's. I LOVE my digi, but I want something small to take to China. Not to mention, I lug that thing everywhere ... I'd like to have something small that will fit in my purse without being so bulky and heavy. I know once we get the baby I will definitely need it everywhere I go!!

Came home in time for Ghouls Night Out at www.scrapbookjungle.com which was a hit!! I had fun keeping up with the Bingo and chatting with Dawn, Trish, and Charlotte.

Good day ... wish I had more like that!!

Not the email I wanted to get

This is a direct email I received from our adoption agency .....

Hi folks. We are definitely in a referral delay at this point. Group 25 has not gotten their referrals yet and probably won’t have them for another 3-4 weeks. Apparently March was a huge log in month and CCAA has already done 1500 matches without finishing! (This is almost double what they usually do!). They have split March into two groups and the second part of the month is being pushed to November referrals. That automatically means that you will be pushed back to the end of November of possibly sometime in December. I do not know how big April was at this point, so I do not know if they will have to split the month again.
I’m sorry for the bad news, but I wanted you to know what’s happening.

Sick of being sick

It's been over a week .... I'm sick of being sick. And I'm tired of being tired.

Is this where the phrase sick and tired came from???

A little behind ...

Not that there's a big huge following of my blog (well if there is, I don't know it ... and would really wonder why), but I just wanted to write to say I'm a little behind on blogging. I have 5 blogs started and saved in drafts, but I just need to finish them. I've been so busy, sick, and busy to catch everyone up on my ever so exciting life! :)

So stop worrying ... I haven't fallen off the face of the earth! Get off the edge of your seat, no excitement here! :D

And thanks to those who have been clicking by google ads ... much appreciated! :)

The two year pregnancy!

Okay, so it's an adoption ... not a two year pregnancy, but I need some sanity here!!!

Friday morning we had our travel meeting with the adoption agency. It's always done right before or right after you get your referrals. In the meeting you go over paper work that needs completed for the adoption in China, travel tips, packing tips, what to expect, how to deal with things, etc ....

Now here's the BAD news!!!!! Remember how I was SOOO flipping excited about getting the referral earlier than we expected (end of October)? Well guess what? They're backed up, and slow due to the bird flu (which isn't in China ... but it's a concern) ........... so we're not to expect anything until mid to late November .. travel END of December, most likely early Jan. So another Christmas without my baby. When she said that I just cried ... and the other lady in my group (there's 3 of us ... one couple couldn't make it and went to another meeting as they have moved and live in Idaho or somewhere now) did as well.

I'm hoping (but know in the back of my head it won't happen) that we got thrown in with the group ahead of us (which the adoption agency doesn't think we will ... but doesn't have a way of knowing that group should be hearing something any day now! They were expecting to hear something in early October. It's torture I tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!! And after having my first baby shower Thursday, then that Friday morning .... just downright depressing!!!!

So there you have it ...

My very first baby shower

Jeepers did the girls at work throw a great shower for me! I was very anxious about this, but once I was there, it was all good.

I got off work, came home to let the dogs out and get my clothes, etc. Then went to Brenda's to get some sleep. Mom and Dad had gotten in the night before, so I sat and visited with them for awhile before heading up to bed. I took a shower then hit the hay. So couldn't get to sleep. I didn't have my pillow ... it was too quiet (I'm use to my fan running). Not to mention I just didn't feel good, and kept coughing. But I did manage to get an hour or two of sleep before getting up.

Mom and I were the first to arrive ... Beth lives very close to Brenda, I so could have slept more! :) It was nice ... SO much food!!! We had fruit, vegetables, chips, pretzels, dips, chocolate pretzel M&M things, cheese and crackers, pasta salad, yummy spinach pastries, sloppy joes, an apple dumpling type thing, and cake. I know I'm missing something .... there was TONS! Good thing we didn't eat before we left! Beth and Shanna really out did themselves!

Then there were the gifts ... wow!!! I felt kind of odd opening baby gifts, but such cute stuff!!!! The softest blankets, adorable outfits, and tons of great toys!!! And to think I still have more showers to go!!! What a lucky baby we will have ... spoiled!

Guess who got another "talk"

ME!

This wasn't really a "talk", more of a meeting type thing. My supervisors boss came in tonight to see how things went with the "talk". She said she had a gut feeling about it, and wanted to personally talk to me about it, rather than writing me an email. I thought that was nice, and nice of her to take time out of her evening to come back into work to see me.

She hadn't talked with HIM so didn't know it ended with me slamming his door and saying, "fine I'll be here tonight, but I guarantee I won't be here much longer". She couldn't believe it. I told her everything that went on. I told her how I went in with everything fixed, and notes, etc ... to be talked down to. To be told that if I'm sick or have "issues" that interfere with my doing my job I shouldn't be coming in. (that's when I said, I'm sick now I won't be in tonight)

I told her that I left there feeling worthless, and with the thought of quitting. I can work elsewhere! I told her that it's sad that because of him, the department has lost good therapists. I asked how many it will take before somethings done. No real answer, but what do you expect?

He gets away with everything, but I'm not taking it. Why should I?

Work

So, what do you do when you like the people you work WITH, but hate the people you work for??

I work nights so I seldom see my supervisors (one of which I have no problem with whatsoever), or there supervisor. But nothing can ruin my day faster than hearing, seeing, or even knowing he's going to be there. And to make it worse ... if he has to talk to me, as was the case this morning. So here I am ... crying like a moron. I worked myself up into an anxiety attack, but at least he didn't see me cry ... he never has, and never will! I'd just like to know how it's possible to get in trouble for something that you never knew about. Something that was to be taught to you during orientation by guess who ... and wasn't. And it's not until OVER a year later they catch it. Isn't there something wrong with this picture?

UGH!

Work AGAIN ... another "talk"

What did I do to deserve this torture?

So again I get the pleasure of sitting in my supervisors office (the one that I have trouble with, of course) to get reprimanded (although when I used that word to his boss, she said that wasn't what it was about).

It boils down to stupid stuff ... and a co-worker that followed me ran to him letting him know I did some sloppy work! Here's what I did:
When charting the numbers on the flow sheet in the nursery, I wrote a number in the wrong box once, wrote the wrong date (I work nights, give me a break), and one of my numbers was illegible. Okay, so I wasn't paying attention ... I was talking to the nurse while I wrote down the numbers. Yes, at a legal stand point in court it wouldn't look good ... But geez! I'm human! Oh ya ... one of the flowsheets I didn't put a label on so if the clipboard was dropped it could be confused as to which baby it went to!
I didn't pick up the hearing screens ... there were 5 in the folder when the day shift person checked it. Sue me! I check the folder, I can't help it when the nurses, and nursing assistants that do the screens hold them back. I can't be running over there every second checking it. And when I said to him, "what do you want me to do, check it at 7 when my shift emds?" he actually said yes! Sorry I check it at 0630 for the last check of the night. I've gone and found many in there from day shift before, who cares! It takes a second to enter it in the computer ... GROW UP!
And lastly I got in trouble for not charging in the nursery ... funny thing about that is, HE never told me I needed to! HE oriented me, and here it is over a year later and they are just figuring this out? Guess they lost a lot of money over the past year! Don't you think HE should be getting in trouble for that little slip up, not me?

And get this ... I go into the meeting all prepared. I had received a MOX (inside email) with everything, so I made sure it was all fixed prior to talking with him. I had my co-worker show me how to charge, printed out the screen and took notes to show him (and to keep for my benefit). One would think that would make it go smoothly ... But nope! I left feeling about an inch tall (if that), worthless, ignorant, and wanting to quit. Made it to the ED (I go out that way to get to the parking deck) before the tears started flowing ... He will never see me cry!

One would think with all the problems HE causes in that department he'd be outta there!

Only I

would start something like this when it needs done by Thursday. It's totally doable, if I didn't work Tuesday and Wednesday nights! So, here I sit crocheting a scarf for my hostess gift for my baby shower Thursday. Okay, so I'm not blogging and crocheting at the same time, but you know what I mean! Anyway, I got this great idea to make scarves for the two giving the shower ... yup, two and I'm on the first one and it's nowhere near finished!

Worse comes to worse ... I run to Target and buy something ... no biggie, right?

New shoes ...

Since Athena (aka devil's spawn) decided to snack on my Dansko's, I had to get a new pair. (Mine are in San Fran, CA getting fixed) Even though I LOVE my Dansko's and they are WAY comfy, I hated to put out $150 for another pair. So, I ordered a pair of shoes from LL Bean that look and are described just like Dansko's. Not to mention, they're MUCH less (only 54 bucks). So I order a brown pair ... and wait and wait for them to arrive. You guessed it, I got them just in time to wear to work tonight!!! They're comfy ... not EXACTLY like my Dansko's, but comfy. But who in there right mind wears a brand new pair of shoes to work? Not only that ... I work 12 hour shifts where I run all over the hospital. Smart? Not exactly! I'm now wishing I brought another pair of shoes to finish the shift out in .... but oh well ... I'll suffer through, and learn from my mistake (right).

So kill me .....

I LOVE Martha on LLC! I do believe her recent stent of bad publicity did her good ... as it usually does.

I've always been a fan of Martha, but her new talk show rocks!!!

The words I love yet hate .... CODE BLUE

Call me sick, but I LOVE having a cool code. I live for them, and the hospital I work at now we don't have them often. Before here I worked at a hospital in Baltimore and we had them frequently. But here ... not often, and when they do ... it's nothing cool, usually someone that's been down for awhile.

About 20 minutes ago, those glorious words come over the intercom (and NOTHING but codes are called overhead at night) ... CODE BLUE blahblahblahblahblahblah. My adrenaline started as I jumped up from reading my magazine and surfing the net (hard work I tell you) and off I go running. But this wasn't the kind of code I like to hear, it was called to the family center which is where the mom's and new babies are. So my heart is pounding, I'm praying all will turn out as I run down hall after hall ... waiting to hear CANCEL CODE BLUE announced (meaning it was a false alarm). Finally I get there ... my heart pounding in my throat, not knowing what was going on ... all I see are nurses standing in the hall, which confused me. One turned around and causally said ... false alarm. I stand there for awhile, one catching my breath, and two letting it sink in. False alarm, an empty room even. As my colleagues and the rest of the code team (yes I was first on the "scene") arrive, I inform them of the news and everyone sighs with relief. Shew ...

So, as I love codes ... I only like certain ones. Which I realize is sick in a way ... I like the overdoses, car wrecks, gun shot wounds, suicide attempts in psych ... bring it on! Let my brain work, let me do my part in trying to save a life ... let me stop the mundane work that requires nothing and work a code! Do I like the outcomes? Not always, they always don't turn out as I'd like ... you can't save everyone. But there's the one's you do save, and to me ... those are the one's that matter. Knowing that I personally had a hand in that person living. The joy of being handed a blue baby that's not breathing and getting it to breath again, on it's own and be a healthy baby.

I guess that's what sets me aside from others, the fact I can deal with the bad stuff ... I can deal with the nasty freaky codes. Don't get me wrong .... don't think I'm some cold hearted person who enjoys seeing gore and death, because I'm far from it. Don't think I haven't walked away from many a code and called my husband to make sure he was okay, and to hear his voice. Don't think I haven't walked away from a code and had to take time to cry. They aren't always easy ... they all can't end perfectly. But when they don't, they make you think of the blessings in your life, and you thank God for them.

There goes another key ....

Okay, so my keychain is (well, WAS) a cool pink ribbon. Given that's very disirable to a puppy, but I keep it in my purse!!!! Athena aka Devils Spawn, already ruined one key so we had to buy and get programed a new key (not cheap). Well ... you guessed it ... today she got to the other one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They were both out, so there wouldn't be any accidents inside ... everything was put away (meaning my shoes). My purse sat on the floor where it always does and my scrub jacket was on the kitchen chair. So I'm thinking I'm good to go downstairs to get caught up on a swap and some orders I need to get in. Man was I wrong!!

I come upstairs to my purse turned inside out ... everything in is ALL OVER the place ... my ribbon that WAS my keychain in one place ... ummm they key, in two pieces!!!! What's so appealing about a Saab key to a dog?

Then what do I see ... the dogs playing tug of war with my $700 pulse ox from work that was in my scrub jacket that was now not in the kitchen, but on the floor in the living room!!!!! Luckily, no damage there!!!

What's next?

There's one at every office

or in my case hospital ....

Why is there always someone that you can just look at and you feel yourself losing momentum? As you know, or maybe not ... I work nights in a hospital. There is ONE person, just ONE person out of all of day shift I hate giving report to. For one, she comes in and reprints her sheets with her assignment (like something has changed in the past 10 minutes or so). Then she meticulously checks them up and down .... as I'd think good 'ole St. Nick checks the naughty or nice list (and I hate to even put them in the same sentence). Then she'll check her work email, because we all know that's a must do first in the morning thing to do. All this time while everyone else is getting report ... everyone but HER!

So you guessed it ... this morning it was she who was taking my assignment, lucky me! So I sit ... I wait, and I wait, and I wait. I look at the clock it's not 7 yet, so TECHNICALLY she doesn't HAVE to get report yet. But geesh ... look around lady! So my pager goes off ... it's the ED, they need a treatment. Okay, I could have passed that onto her, but being the nice person I am I go and do it. When I come back it's after 7 so I go and pretty much force report on her ... because she wasn't ready to get it. So I tell her about this little old lady in the ED that I treated awhile ago. Told her about the stupid order, and how she needed another treatment IF we felt it necessary in 20 minutes and then another in 20 minutes ... both at our discrecion. After all treatments where finished she was to get an ABG. After telling her all about that, I told her she had expiratory wheezes after the treatment so she could benefit from another, but that would probably take care of it. "When was this treatment due?" I don't know ... 5 til 7, 7, 5 after 7 ... something like that, I'm not sure ... all said as I walk to a computer to look it up so she can know the EXACT time for goodness sake. Before I could answer ... she said in her nicest voice (sarcasm there) 9 minutes ago, then looks at the clock (straight up 7) then back at me. Okay, 9 minutes ago ... Give me a break. So now she's all mad because heaven forbid she has to go work before she can have a smoke break. I kind of wish I passed along the other treatment to her too ... but nah! I can guarantee she'll be talking to my lovely supervisor about me passing on work to her though. She's infamous for that!! And believe me, she's passed PLENTY onto me many times!

What a difference water makes

What is it about a bath?? I love laying in a bath of warm water with the aroma of a nice soap that tingles all my senses. Sinking down until my face is covered and just listening to the water ... all the sounds around that are intensified because you're under water. Relaxing as all my troubles drift away with the bath aroma, finally relaxing. I've even been known to get so relaxed that I've fallen asleep!!

I'd love to have a garden tub .... my dream bathroom is a big garden tub with windows, sky lights, and pure relaxation. Someday!

Now if I could just get out of the amazing bathing experience and get a massage .... now that my friends, would be pure ecstasy!

Just make my bad day worse

I finally decide to get my lazy butt out of bed. I get the dogs and put them in the bedroom (while I shower in the master bath). That way they (meaning Athena) doesn't destroy anything. So I shower, which always makes me feel better .... thought about taking a bath, but decided just on a shower. (LOVE baths, those are beyond relaxing ... if only we had a garden tub, I'd be in heaven) Anyway, I get out ... and check on the dogs. Both laying on the bed (keep in mind, I wear glasses ... obviously I don't wear them in the shower), so I think good .... and continue to dry off, etc.

I get dressed get my glasses on and notice ONE of my work shoes on the bed beside Athena!! You guessed it, the back is eaten, parts of the leather on the bed. I was FURIOUS!!! Those weren't cheap (Dansko) and ever so comfortable! So it's ruined ... and she's looking at me with those puppy dog eyes like she was the most innocent dog in the world! PLEASE!!!

Yesterday I let it slide that they tore up (and I mean pieces EVERYWHERE) my Adidas sandal's. They're cheap, and I've had them for a long time ... no biggie, even though I liked them. I can get a new pair, no problem ... but today my $150+ shoes .... UGH!

Moral of the story ... stay in bed!!!!!!!!!

Another blucky day

We need the rain, so I hate to say I wish it wasn't raining, but .... I wish it wasn't raining!!!! It makes me want to just stay in bed and do nothing but sleep and think about all the things I SHOULD be doing. (And trust me there's a lot) But still, I stay in bed (yes I'm in bed now). Sometimes I like the rain; however, sometimes it's just depressing. Today .... it's depressing.

I remember as a child playing in the rain. The street we lived on was somewhat sloped and at the bottom was a storm drain. I'd built little boats, or take small toys out and go up the street and watch them wash down, trying to catch them before they went into the storm drain. I loved being out there in the rain in my bare feet stomping in the puddles. Having the rain hit my face felt so clean and nice.

Today I'm no longer a child, I'm 30, we have no storm drain on the street. So I lay in bed listening to the rain.

One of those days ... AGAIN

It's rainy ... so of course I'm having a crappy day. I'm in that I want to move far away and start over mood. I'm sick of renting, I want to own a house ... but of course we have to live in the DC Metro area where we can't even get a townhouse for under $350,000!!! I hate it!!!

Why is it rainy days make people so depressed? Is it lack of sunshine ... kind of like the winter blah's people get? I wonder if going to the tanning bed would help? That would mean leaving the house, so that's not happening.

So here I sit, in my scrapbook room that looks like a scrapbook store blew up! Yet, I do nothing but sit and look and cry.

American Chopper

LOVE this show .... the make rock'n bikes. Do you think they'd make me a cook pink one??? :)

Don't forget to click

Ever notice my google ads on the side? Scroll down ... see them? Make sure you give them a daily click! :)

Thanks!!

In a slump

Finally a day off and what do I spend it doing? Sleeping ... that's right, sleeping. I'd get up and let the dogs out, but find myslef back in bed. And it was such a nice day too ... beautiful weather!

This evening my father in law and his brother and wife came over for a visit, which was nice. I spent the 10 minutes before they came running around lighting candles and putting some nice touches around the house since they had never been here before. But geesh ... I could have gone to the store and had made some nice dips, etc. I felt bad even though I know they could care less.

Two more days ....

I need a day; okay, a month or two off ... I'm sick of working!!!! I worked Friday and Saturday night ... had Sunday off (although, I had to sleep SOME). Now I work tonight and Tuesday night. Then I'm off until Sunday ... whoohooo!!!! That week shall bite the big one, I work Sunday, Monday, Wed, and then Friday (I think that's it). But the extra money will be nice! But still ... so would the days off! :)