Anxiety, it's my disease

Anxiety is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences at times. Many people feel anxious, or nervous, when faced with a problem at work, or before taking a test or making an important decision.

Anxiety disorders are quite common, affecting about 20-25 million Americans, and unfortunately I’m one of them.

People with an anxiety disorder have feelings of terror that strike suddenly and repeatedly with absolutely no warning. My therapist gave me a perfect example. On September 11th, when the first plane hit the World Trade Center, then the second, the people in those building and around felt panic and anxiety, rightly so. They had a perfectly good reason to feel these emotions. I can be standing in line at the grocery store and out of nowhere, without warning I feel the same emotions those in the crumbling buildings felt. But I have no reason … other than this horrible disease.

Having an anxiety attack is terrifying. I get dizzy, I can’t breath, I feel as if somebody is choking me, I shake, I cry, I have uncontrollable obsessive thoughts, dry mouth, and I feel totally out of control and like there is no way back. I feel like I’m going crazy!

I know to well the awful body sensations, and the feeling of going crazy. I became afraid "it" would happen again and afraid of where it might happen. I started becoming apprehensive and anxious of going out places or into situations I wasn’t in control of out of pure fear this would happen in public. Anxiety began to take over my life, it became almost impossible to deal with life's everyday situations. I knew that I needed to get help. If I didn't get help, I was going to be like this forever.

So that's just what I did ... I got help. July 2003 my anxiety was so bad I couldn't go to work, I couldn't even leave the house (not even to get the mail). I had let the disease take over my life and I didn't know how to get my life back. I started going to counceling, and also seeing a physchitrist for medication because obviously my Zoloft that my family doctor perscribed wasn't helping. Through counceling I have learned my "triggers" (stress is a big one) and also how to live and deal with this disease. It took me a long time to come to the relization that anxiety was a disease and one that wasn't going anywhere, but I've finally become one with my disease. I had a bad few (9 + months) of going back and forth with different medications ... some worked, some didn't, but FINALLY we found a combination that works.

It's now been over a year since it all happened and I feel like a totally different person (for the better). I can not only go out to get the mail, but I can go to the store, go to work, and deal with every day situatoins. As the Olympics just showed some hurdles you'll leap over clearly and others you'll crash through, and they'll hurt but you CAN make it to the finish line!