As boring as it may be, it's my life. You live life and learn as you go along. So hop into my life and enjoy the ride! (You don't want to forget to buckle up, sometimes it's one heck of a bumpy ride!)

Monday, July 30, 2007

What scrapbook product are you?

I'm stickers .... You like brightening things up in life and decorating your living space with your own personal style. You are versatile and able to get things done with a stick-to-it attitude. People love your colorful personality and personal flair! You like exploring new things and are willing to try anything once. But Stickers beware - sometimes you like to stick to someone that you like a little too much and take them into your confidence a little too easily. Your personality tends to make you a steadfast friend, but make sure the friends you choose are worth your efforts!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Depression


Here is a layout I did scrapbook contest I'm in at TTS, below is the journaling ...

In the past year I have been thrown so many obstacles that I have had to overcome. The best friend that I had turned to so many times chose to tie the strings of our friendship and go his own way. I was so close to having the daughter that I had held only in my dreams, to have the reality of life take her away. My ninth wedding anniversary was spent away from my husband for the first time as separation was a reality and divorce was ever so real. My life was changing before my eyes, and before I even knew it I was spiraling out of control. I spent weeks without eating, with only a few hours sleep here and there, and countless hours of uncontrollable crying. I hated who I saw when I looked in the mirror, the person I had become. I use to be a strong woman, one who lived life to the fullest and enjoyed every day … now I was simply a child wanting nothing but her mother. I didn’t know which was up, or how to get out of the mess I was in. I longed for the inner strength I once had. Where was the Abby I knew? Where was the hope I had clung to knowing there was indeed light at the end of the tunnel?

Depression is so real; it lurks in the shadows behind me trying so hard to take over my life. It is always near and can easily blind me from my happiness, from my hopes and dreams. I have to find my inner strength and take life one day at a time. I am strong! I am striving to change, trying so hard to be happy not only on the outside, but more importantly on the inside as well. I cannot let my depression control me, I will overcome it … I will find myself again.

Once hope is chosen, anything is possible!

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Friday, July 27, 2007

What do I see when I look in the mirror?

When I look in the mirror, sometimes what I see staring back at me is the face of depression. Pretty much everyone that sees me thinks I'm just fine, I'm that happy go lucky person full of life. I've gotten so good at masking my depression with a smile so I don't have to answer the dredding question ... "what's wrong"? Some people might think I'm quiet, passive, lost in my own little world in deap thought ... but on the inside I'm in constent struggle to function. Most people don't understand what it's like to have depression, they think it's simply something you can snap out of, or the way you look at what life has delt you ... but in reality it is so much more. Depression is a disease, just like having high blood pressure; depression, is clinically a chemical imbalance where you can take medication to help. Not that I like taking medication daily, but it helps so I need to do it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

A family visit

Today my Aunt Pattie and Uncle Bob brought my Dad over to my sisters. My mom came Saturday while my Dad stayed behind to see what was going on with my brother.

It was nice to see them as it's been a few years ... but as we sat and visited I couldn't help but feel so inadequate. Here we were at my sisters beautiful 4 bedroom home with a huge in ground pool, hot tub, and a pool house. Everyone kept going on and on about the house, how big it was and the whole, how do they keep up with everything, blah blah blah. Personally I don't see what's so hard ... the kids are 17 and 15 so they pretty much do for themselves. Brian owns his own business so it's not like he has a lot to do, and Brenda just opened a primitive craft store that's only open four days a week. What's so hard about that? I know it's not the easiest thing in the world ... but give me a break! And after hearing how great everything is, what am I suppose to say ... wanna come see my tiny apartment? I'm so sick of living in every one's shadow's!!! For once I'd like to be the one being bragged about. I'd like to have the cool house or store ... something! But I never see that happening.

Okay so I am jealous of her store as I wanted to rent the property to open my scrapbook store, but couldn't afford to do so. They wouldn't budge on the price of the lease, so the place set empty for over a year. Personally I think it sat empty giving Brenda time to get things together to open her little store. Don't get me wrong ... it's a really nice store, but I hate hearing about it merely because I was the one who mentioned opening my scrapbook store there and didn't get the opportunity. My store might have been a huge flop ... but at least I could have tried. It's not like I would have let anyone down ... I don't think anyone really expects me to do great things. I do feel wrong for feeling like I do. I wish I didn't, I wish I could go help her with her store ... make some cards and journals like she wants me to, but I can't. I hate it and I don't want anything to do with it.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Great quote to live by ...

A person is only as big as the dream they dare to live.
~Unknown

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Friday, July 20, 2007

Brian's in the hospital

I got an email today from my mom telling me that my brother was in the hospital. Great way to find out, huh? Brian and I aren't close, but still ...

He was diagnosed with Hepatitis A, which my mom said she hopes is a wake up call for him to get a job in the states. Even though he was vaccinated against Hepatitis A, B, and C he still got Hepatitis A. And the doctor told him that he had to have had it for about a year an a half because his body was already building up antibodies to fight it off!!!! Just think how many people he has come in close contact with in a year and a half that possibly wasn't vaccinated or had a suppressed immune system!!!

Luckily he was in the states when he got sick so he could be properly treated. The doctor said he will have to wait until later in August to go back to Chad rather than leaving Wednesday.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Let's talk about luck ...

Okay, today's blogging challenge at TTS is to blog about getting lucky (just kidding Dawn).

Seriously though ... I don't really have anything that I consider lucky, but I call my green shamrock Zippo my good luck charm!
Something that brings me comfort is a necklace that my mom gave me when I started Jr. High. It's a St. Christopher charm on a silver chain. It was my sisters, and then was passed to me. My mom told me it would protect me and keep me safe. To this day I wear it when I'm going somewhere that I feel I need a little extra "boost" so to speak. I wear it to job interviews, first day of work, etc. I don't really call it a good luck charm ... but it's comfort.

Great challenge Dawn!!!

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Friday, July 06, 2007

Hair today ...

Yup, you guessed it ... I've had some hair woes lately. Rather funny woes I might add! :)
My mom decided when I came in I was going to get my hair cut (and I agree, it did need it). She was telling me all my choices of places to go from the swankiest of swanky place down to the beauty college. So what did I pick ... nope, you're wrong ... I went for none other than the beauty college!!!
Let me start out by telling you that I haven't had a hair cut in over a year, and my hair color was in need of some help as my roots were about an inch and a half to two inches and the rest of my hair was black. :) So off we go to the beauty college. I sit down and pick out my color and off she goes to mix it. She comes back, takes my hair down from the pony tail holder it was in, and realizes my hair is black with brown roots. She then goes and gets her instructor to find out how to color my hair. At this point I became a little nervous ... I knew how to do it ... I've been coloring my hair as long as I can remember! You can't go from a dark color like black, to a lighter color like auburn like I was wanting. The black would need stripped out before adding color, but who am I ... I'm not in beauty school nor am I a beautician, so I kept my mouth shut. (for once)

So there I sat as she applied this ketchup looking stuff to my roots ... I sat for 30 minutes and she came back with more mixture and added it to the rest of my hair ... keeping it on the roots. I sat for another 30, my head feeling like it's on fire! She comes back and we go to wash it out ... I really thought that when my hair was rinsed that my hair would fall out!!! Rather than losing my hair, I ended up with red roots (not auburn, but red) and the rest stayed black. Simply beautiful, let me tell you! :)

Then it was time to cut it ... she asked how I wanted it cut and I explained how long it had been and it really needed cut and thinned. So what did she do ... trim 1/8 off JUST the bottom!!! Ummm, ya!

When I went to the front to pay ... well, my mom paid (thanks mom) my mom looked at me like "WHAT?". When we got outside, she said, did they do anything?? I had pulled my hair back like it was when I went in so the roots weren't noticeable until I stepped into the sun. We had a nice laugh about it ... and planned to get it cut later in the week! Of course, I won't be going back to the beauty college!!!

What kind of coffee are you?

Thanks Lucy for the cute challenge ....

You Are a Cappuccino

You're fun, outgoing, and you love to try anything new.
However, you tend to have strong opinions on what you like.
You are a total girly girly at heart - and prefer your coffee with good conversation.
You're the type that seems complex to outsiders, but in reality, you are easy to please

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Monday, July 02, 2007

Happy birthday Bryce!!

Today is my nephew's birthday ... it's so hard to believe he's already eight years old!!! It seems like just yesterday my sister and I were driving to my parents to see the little cutie when he was born!!!!!

Tonight he is having his party at Skate Country which will be a lot of fun!!! What's not fun about a birthday party at a skating rink??? He's invited all his friends to come and skate and have birthday cake and ice cream. I remember having my party at the skating rink a few times when I was little ... there's just something about having the whole place to yourself that makes you feel uber special!!!! :) He deserves a fun day!!!

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