Bedtime ...

Well, it's 1030 and I should be in bed but I don't want to go. I'm exhausted, but I don't want the weekend to end.

Bart got home around 830PM, Socrates and I greated him outside ... we were both really glad to see him!!!!!

I had a rough day ... panic attacks pretty much all day, and of course depression ... they go hand in hand. I'd have an attack then be depressed I had it and beat myself up for having the attack and being depressed which would cause another one!!!! Vicious cycle! The worst one I had was around 7PM and I ended up calling Bart crying (I didn't want to do it, but I had to). Shyam wasn't at his computer like he should have been!!!!! I was freaking out ... and was dizzy, couldn't breath ... typical stuff. Stupid me gets out my pulse ox and checks my oxygen level .... 75!!!!!!!! I FREAKED!!!!!!!!!! Of course this made everything worse ... and of course I kept the pulse ox on to keep an eye on myself, like that helped anything. By the time I called Bart I was in the 80's but still freaking. He finally convinced me to take it off and he calmed me down.
When having anxiety attacks you breath more shallow, sometimes hyperventilate, which means less oxygen is getting to your brain. (Less oxygen to the brain is what causes the "crazy thoughts" that are sometimes had during attacks). A healthy person's oxygen level should be in the mid to high 90's. Mine runs around 97%

So that's that ... my life, it sucks!!! But tomorrow is another day (what's up with that saying ... well ya it's another day, duh!!!)