The words I love yet hate .... CODE BLUE

Call me sick, but I LOVE having a cool code. I live for them, and the hospital I work at now we don't have them often. Before here I worked at a hospital in Baltimore and we had them frequently. But here ... not often, and when they do ... it's nothing cool, usually someone that's been down for awhile.

About 20 minutes ago, those glorious words come over the intercom (and NOTHING but codes are called overhead at night) ... CODE BLUE blahblahblahblahblahblah. My adrenaline started as I jumped up from reading my magazine and surfing the net (hard work I tell you) and off I go running. But this wasn't the kind of code I like to hear, it was called to the family center which is where the mom's and new babies are. So my heart is pounding, I'm praying all will turn out as I run down hall after hall ... waiting to hear CANCEL CODE BLUE announced (meaning it was a false alarm). Finally I get there ... my heart pounding in my throat, not knowing what was going on ... all I see are nurses standing in the hall, which confused me. One turned around and causally said ... false alarm. I stand there for awhile, one catching my breath, and two letting it sink in. False alarm, an empty room even. As my colleagues and the rest of the code team (yes I was first on the "scene") arrive, I inform them of the news and everyone sighs with relief. Shew ...

So, as I love codes ... I only like certain ones. Which I realize is sick in a way ... I like the overdoses, car wrecks, gun shot wounds, suicide attempts in psych ... bring it on! Let my brain work, let me do my part in trying to save a life ... let me stop the mundane work that requires nothing and work a code! Do I like the outcomes? Not always, they always don't turn out as I'd like ... you can't save everyone. But there's the one's you do save, and to me ... those are the one's that matter. Knowing that I personally had a hand in that person living. The joy of being handed a blue baby that's not breathing and getting it to breath again, on it's own and be a healthy baby.

I guess that's what sets me aside from others, the fact I can deal with the bad stuff ... I can deal with the nasty freaky codes. Don't get me wrong .... don't think I'm some cold hearted person who enjoys seeing gore and death, because I'm far from it. Don't think I haven't walked away from many a code and called my husband to make sure he was okay, and to hear his voice. Don't think I haven't walked away from a code and had to take time to cry. They aren't always easy ... they all can't end perfectly. But when they don't, they make you think of the blessings in your life, and you thank God for them.