We got it, we got it

FINALLY after 6 weeks we got our INS approval!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shyam's hair ... well lack thereof

I know I mentioned this before, so just incase you were all wondering about it ...

Yup,it's gone .... bald. The story about it is really cool though! He and his dad decided to go to this temple and have it done. It shows offering and humility. He said it was very spiritual event, which I can only imagine. Pretty cool, huh?

He sent me a picture yesterday which of course looks like a mug shot ... heaven forbid he smile in the picture!

Today

I'm up early ... Socrates needed out, so I decided just to stay up. Maybe I'll get some scrapping done ... I'm so behind!!! I'll check in (as always) at my message board www.scrapbookjungle.com and I'm sure I'll find someone to keep me motivated!! I have things I need to add to my store, www.creativitystartshere.com but who knows if I'll get to it today. I'd really like to order some new items, but I need a few more big orders, or a lot of little ones, before doing that.

So that's the plan ... we'll see if it happens! :)

At work

Well.... here I am, at work! It's about 0430 and I'm ready to go home!!! It big time bites because I didn't think I was working tomorrow (well today) because somebody wanted to switch some days with me, so I considered it done. But nope ... not done. They worked something else out with her and I work tomorrow!!! UGH!!! So pretty much my weekend is shot .... I hate working both Saturday and Sunday! But on the upside ... I'll then be off until Friday. But I'm not an upside kinda gal!

My lovely husband brought me to work last night ... one plus of working the weekend, he brings me and picks me up! I love that! Usually we go out for breakfast in the morning, but not sure about today since it's Easter.

It seems as though we've been fighting a lot (that's my husband and I). Not sure why, but it just seems that way. I don't feel like I get to see him a lot, but I don't think he feels that way. I just think our idea of spending time together is different. Although I did talk to my therapist about it and she agrees that him being on the computer is not spending time with me. But he says it's his way to unwind .... but he does it all night. Then we go to bed and he's not the type to talk, just go to sleep. I on the other hand ... I want to talk before I go to sleep. Always ends up in an arguement it seems like ... but I can't just go to bed and say good night and go to sleep. I feel the need to talk. I can remember my Grandparents ... they talked before going to sleep. I remember laying in bed hearing them (even when my Grandma was sick (alzheimers) the talked) talking. I can remember thinking it was so sweet and loving, always made me smile. Heck, makes me smile now just thinking of it.

We're still waiting for INS ... 3 weeks ... BIG lie!!!! Geesh!!! The phrase about adoptoin being a two year pregnancy isn't far off!!! Getting a bit impatient!!! I just want to start buying stuff and get a picture of her!!!!

Shyam is back from India, he had a wonderful time ... he came back with no hair. I don't really get it, but it's some kind of temple and you have to have your head shaved to get in .... I haven't had it explained to me yet, so excuse my ignorance. I haven't gotten to see him .... maybe this week ... or this weekend? Who knows. I've talked to him and he has pictures and of course gifts. I can't wait to see the pictures .... and his bald head!!!! Too funny.

Okay ... work calls .....

The balloon and needle

I feel as if I'm a balloon, blown up as much as it can be .... then there's this needle nice and sharp just beside me grazing the surface. I feel I am just about ready to pop at any minute, but not knowing when that might be.

Anxiety!

What a night

Starting the shift out with an intubation in the ER is NEVER a good sign!!!! I didn't even have the ER ... why did I have to answer the phone in the department when it rang anyway?
So then it was playing catch up trying to get all my treatments given on time which wasn't an easy thing since I kept getting called back and forth! If they would have just been patient I would have eventually gotten there ... and a lot faster too!!!
Then I had a guy who sounded BAD, I mean BAD .... the treatment didn't help and honestly I didn't want to leave his room. His family was in there, but still ... young guy too, around 50 I believe. But I left, told the nurse my concerns (thankfully she's one who cares and listens) and went about my way.
I also had Peds .... love having peds!!! But EVERY kid was on isolation, so it's gown up, give treatment, take off gown, etc ... then do it all over again!! Takes SO much longer!!! I was busy!! I don't think I've been this busy in a long time.

I inhaled my lunch and went back to work ... so really I didn't get a proper "break". It was run here, run there all night long!!!!

I go up to help with AM gases, get called to the ED ... so I go down there. After I'm finished .... back to the ICU I go to help with the gases. I go find out which one's still need done then go to get one ... who do I find SITTING chatting with a nurse ... my lovely male supervisor who came in at 6! HELLO ... busy here!!!!!! I inform him how many gases we have ... he could care less and continues to talk (personal, not work related of course). Burns me up!!!! I hate to even look at that man!!!!

Now all I want to do is go to bed, but I have counseling at 10 soooooo if I went to bed now, I would NEVER get up for that. So here I sit!!! I just hope I don't get called in tonight ... cross your fingers would ya!!! I'm on call and man I don't wanna be!!!

Hating life

Okay it's 2AM and here I am ..... sitting in bed with the laptop. Bart got fed up with my cont. talking and went to sleep in the guest room. Socrates on the other hand never leaves .... he's laying beside me, head on pillow snoring away!!! I've had trouble sleeping for the past few days, I'm not sure what's up. I've even been getting up early, so it's not like I'm not tired!

Today I forgot to take my pills in the afternoon .... so I think that messed me up to a point, like the compulsive thinking and talking once I went to bed. Who knows. Bart of course wanted to give me my "emergancy pill" which I wouldn't let him. I think he likes doing that just to shut me up so he can sleep, which I don't think is fair. I know he needs his sleep, but we have more than one bed.

I'm to the point where I'm just hating everything ..... my car, I want a new one. The adoption, is taking way too long. My job, it just sucks. It's one thing after another. I need to update products in my store, but no money in the store account to do so. I don't want to use money not from the store for the store .... I want it to run itself. But I don't know if it will stay in business like that. They always say you have to spend money to make money .... maybe that's true, who knows.

Then there's school .... yup school. I've been seriously considering going back once the adoption is finalized and we get settled in as a family. I don't know if it's practicle though .... especially since I hate school. But I just can't see myself being a RT for the rest of my life. I don't want to be a 50 year old neb jocky!!!! But then that's more money ... a student loan, ugh! I don't really want that.

Ruined Vacation

Well that's it .... our family summer vacation is ruined!!! I don't even want to go now!!!!

I talked to my mom today and she informed me that my uncle and his wife and his kids and families are going the same week we are!!!!! Great!!! First off, I can't stand his wife!!!! She's not my aunt and never will be!!!!!

Prior to my aunts passing (my uncles first wife) we would all go to the beach together. I have SO many great memories of that, and going to the beach and sitting there watching the waves go in and out speaks to me. It brings back the memories of the fun times we had there with my aunt, and now it will be ruined!!! I honestly don't think I'm strong enough to go and deal with HER. Yes they will be 8 miles away, but we will still see them. I can't ... and I don't want to.

Now I'm stuck .... my sister could only go 2 weeks so I don't know if we can even change the week now ... or if they would. And I'm not the type of person that talks about my feelings so it's not like I'll tell them why. But then if I stay home, it's a waste. Not to mention Bart is SO looking forward to this .... I mean REALLY looking forward to it.

What to do?

Complaining

What's it get you?? I do it a lot, maybe it's to myself, my husband, my friends and family .... but I do it. If I don't like something, you're going to know about it. Character flaw maybe???

Well, I go back to work after being on my death bed with food poisoning to find such a nice email from the male supervisor. "To this date you have not returned your phone call to me. I have changed your call date, please advise the schedule." Okay nice!!! Did it dawn on him that maybe I took advantage of my time being off to take a mini vacation and when I got back the message was over a week old and I figured he would assume I was out of town and move on? Of course not .... what was I thinking?? So I look at the schedule and not only did he take the day I signed up for away, but gave me TWO call dates. Okay ... not happy!!!! This is the second month in a row this has happened ..... and it has happened before.

So what do I do? Write back to him, with a copy attached to the "powers that be". Explaining that this has happened way to much and what's the use of signing up if it's going to be taken away, etc. I work part time because I run a business full time, blah blah blah. I have plans for one of the nights on call and now that is ruined and makes myself and my business look bad. blah blah blah blah blah. I went off.

I received an email back saying a bunch of crap .... basically I was given that extra call date because of my absenses and those absense have put a lot of people out!!!! WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!! Sorry I have anxiety and was perscribed a medication that reacted with my medication I was on and put me in total melt down!!! I had a dr. note. Trust me, I would have rather been at work!!!!!!!!

So anyway .... guess what happened on my night of call?? You guessed it ... got a not very polite phone message saying he needs me to come in and EXPECTS me to be there at 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Expects me to be there .... come on!!!!

So I go ... look at the numbers, they're low ... well how they have been. Nobody called out. He did it to be a jerk!!!! So I did a big THREE treatments in 8 hours and played on the internet and got time and a half. Big deal!!!! Hopefully someone higher up will notice this! But doubtful!!!!

He will learn not to mess with me .... I do get revenge. I have a few episodes I could go to HR with over sexual harrassment with him.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

traditional gaelic blessing

Papa John's is EVIL

Yesterday was spent in bed and in the bathroom .... not fun at all. The evening before I had the alfredo pizza from Papa John's and around 2AM I started getting horid pains shooting through my stomach. I rolled around all night with them until morning when my husband came in to get ready for work. (He slept in the other bedroom .... I was moving around too much) That's when it really started ... pain that made me cry!!! I was in SO much pain I begged and begged him to stay with me. Not an easy things since he had a MUST be there meeting and just a really hectic day to boot. But he stayed until 10 and worked from home, and then came home early. Gotta love the guy! :) But it wasn't long until the vomiting starting and then the other thing .... Every 20 minutes!!! Thankfully our bed is RIGHT beside our masterbath so I was close enough ... usually!

But wouldn't you know it .... this was the night I was to be in at work after being off for 2 weeks!!!! Why couldn't it have happened another day!!!!! So it came down to me calling in ... I had no choice, I was sick ... on my death bed sick!!!! But that's another story.

So finally around 11PM I take a shower ... still having pains and dizzy. I then go downstairs and have some broth and crackers. (After testing with crackers and toast to make sure it would stay down) We stayed up another hour or so .... then is was back to the sick room as my husband called it! And I went straight to sleep ... waking up with pains ever so often, but more or less didn't move and slept until 2!!

Today I'm still having the shooting pains and of course I'm sore from the vomiting, but it's passing ... thank God ... glad to see it go!!!

Call me stupid ....

Okay about 4AM I got up to let the dog out ... came back to bed, and couldn't really get back to sleep. Nothing new, seems to happen when I wake up and get up .... I'm up. So anyway, I began thinking about the meeting we went to, and the ADORABLE little Ruthie we met. Then it hit me .... I will be going to another country!!!!!!! Okay, I'm not good at geography, BUT I do know that China is outside (way outside) of the USA. But for whatever reason it never really sunk in until now. I've been anxious to experience a new culture, new food, etc .... but a different country to boot! Geesh!!! You can't drink the water, you get a bottle of water and a new toothbrush every morning to brush your teeth!!!! What?
Again, not a geographer here .... but I know about traveling outside the US, I know about not drinking the water, etc. But why it didn't sink in is beyond me. I knew it was a 20+ plane ride, so hello Abby think a minute!!!!! Geesh! Needless to say, a little more anxious now than I have been about the whole trip. Good thing is ... plenty of time to mentally prepare myself!!!!

Waiting Family Meeting

Tonight we went to our first Waiting Family Meeting at the adoption agency. It was nice and we learned a lot. There was a family there that have been home for 7 months. They have a 5 1/2 biological daughter and a daughter they adopted from China who is now 18 months!!! CUTE CUTE CUTE!!!! It was so fun watching her play, etc. She was just adorable ... I wanted to take her home with me!!!!

We met a few people that are in the same place we are .... one of the ladies will probably be in our travel group. She was really nice, so I hope she is!

Looking into my inner self ...

I don't know what it is ... maybe my age, maybe turning 30 has made me look at myself differently than I did before? But I don't like the fact that my inside doesn't match my outside. Is everyone like that? I mean I'm sure there's a lot of people who reflect who they are on the outside .... I picture a broker, stuffy suite, tie at work, and at home ... a Gap commercial. But me, I'm different on the inside than out ... and hate it. When I was younger I could reflect my "self image" with funky hair cuts and colors ... maybe a nose ring, funky clothes, etc. But now what? I'm 30, I can't really color my hair pink and cut it short .... I work in a hospital! Not only do I work in a hospital, but I work nights .... talk about really waking up the patients!!!

It bothers me I'm supose to put on an act so to speak because of my age ... because I'm an adult. Key word ... SUPOSE! I don't ... I'm me, I sing along to a song in the store if I like it ... I admit I watch cartoons. So what! That's me, it's who I am .... so what if I'm 30 or even 40 for that matter??

But lately it's really bothered me, I don't like not coloring my hair, I want my nose pierced (professionally this time) .... but I just don't get it.