As boring as it may be, it's my life. You live life and learn as you go along. So hop into my life and enjoy the ride! (You don't want to forget to buckle up, sometimes it's one heck of a bumpy ride!)

Sunday, January 07, 2007

A very hard decision

What do you do when you're faced with a very good friend who is thinking completely logically and clear, telling you that "it's time" (aka for them to die) and giving you instructions on what to do with their money, what to tell their son, etc?
Being a person who has been suicidal multiple times I could relate, but how could I let them do it? I was faced with calling for help and having them mad at me, or do as they wished and not have them anymore. Knowing how it feels to want to kill yourself, I know if I was going to do it ... obviously I wouldn't want anyone calling for help, I'd want them to just let me do it and follow my last wishes. But sitting there crying listening, I couldn't ... I couldn't lose them, especially when I could do something about it.
So I stealthily texted Bart "call ambu". He knew what I meant, as he knew the situation, but not how bad it had gotten. So he, not so stealthily did ... but unfortunately gained attention. Thankfully they got here quickly! All I could do was stand beside my friend saying, "I'm sorry but you have too much to live for and I love you". As they took him outside to "talk" I lost it, I was bawling ... the scared look on his face, and the feeling in my stomach ... it was too much. They probably should have taken me as well!
Watching that was the hardest thing I have EVER done, and hopefully is something I will NEVER have to do again. I just hope that everything turns out okay.

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