Best Friends

Remember those necklaces in jr. high and high school .... they were a heart that each friend got a half of? They said best friends forever when you put them together? I remember having a couple at different times, and I have no clue where those people are today, or what they even do? So what's that tell you? The necklaces meant nothing, just a fad.

Now that I'm 30, best friends means more to me than just a necklace. I'm not talking husbands and wives .. they're your ultimate best friend, why else would you marry them? I'm talking best friends. You know the one I mean ... who you call when you need to talk, who's always there no matter what, knows pretty much (if not everything) about you, the one you go shopping with, out to lunch, or just hang out and do nothing. It's been a long time since I've had one of those ... a best friend, but when I let myself get close enough (yes let myself, I don't let many people "in" for a reason) to a friend, he became my best friend. (Yes I said he, there is a such thing a platonic male/female relationships, no matter what people say.) Just like anyone else with a best friend, I would do anything for him, I trusted him as much as I trust my husband.

Last night something happened, and I lost my best friend. When I say lost I don't mean he died (God forbid), but I mean we're no longer friends .... let alone best friends. I don't know what happened, I don't know if I ever will. I cried most of the night, since about 430 PM when the first fight happened. No clue why it happened, no clue what I did wrong .... besides call him. Bart gets home, and I reluctantly tell him the story ... I say reluctantly because Bart and Shyam aren't that fond of each other, which is a whole other story. But I tell him, and he comforted me and told me that he probably just needed his space to leave him alone until Saturday or so. Then told me the story about him and Katie and how she called him all the time and wanted to be with him all the time, and he got sick of it and wanted time to himself. (Yes Bart knows this because they use to be very good friends) But do I listen? Of course not ... should I have, yes!!! I so wish I would have.

So I write an email ..... I'm famous for those, ask anyone. Especially when something's on my mind or wrong. (And yes, if I try and call someone and can't talk to them, I email ... a little too much ... just like I obsessively call a little too much because they won't answer) So I wait, and wait, and wait .... and nothing. I thought the least he'd do is write back and say I need some time. But nothing. So being the idiot I am, have my niece call him and tell him to read his email. I'm still mad at myself for even getting her involved, because now she's worried and that's just another mess. So he tells her that her aunt is wacko and bugs him with phone calls. Hits on her, which totally grossed her out (and makes me mad), and they hung up. So then I wait some more thinking ... he told her he'd read it, he'll go read it. Ummm, wrong!!! So being the total moron I am, I call .... we needed to talk. Biggest mistake of the night (next to getting my niece involved)!!!! He said some of the most hurtful things to me, he knew exactly what to say to hurt me ...... and hurt me he did!!!! Never in my life have I been hurt this badly, after all the nasty breakups and crap you go through growing up ... thinking your world is over .... nothing like this. I couldn't (and still can't) believe the things he said to me ... and I didn't provoke anything! But I was informed I needed to get help, that if I can't take care of myself there's no way I can care for a baby, I needed to grow up, and a bunch of other things I'm not even repeating because of the lovely language he used. And to be honest, I was in such shock ... I don't even know half of what he said.

Needless to say I haven't slept much ... a lot of crying and what if's and should have's. Thankfully I don't have anything to do tomorrow so I can rest ... hopefully.

So now what? What do you do when someone you love treats you like that and it's over? I feel lost, confused, overwhelmed ... like I lost a part of me.