Last night SUCKED

Had a not bad day ... got home from work, chilled all day because I didn't want to sleep because I didn't want to waste my day. Crashed around 4 and slept until Bart woke me around 6:30 -7ish. He made dinner we ate .... watched some TV, and talked. Then all of a sudden I started getting all anxious, and it just kept getting worse and worse until I was totally freaking out. He brought me a pill and said he was going to clean up the dishes in the kitchen then go downstairs. He seemed mad at me ... which made it all the worse.

Soon after he got into the kitchen, I signed onto my instant messenger and talked to Shyam. I knew better ... I shouldn't have told him what was going on because I knew it would worry him. But I tend to talk before I think, and trust me ... it gets me in trouble a lot!!! Since I refused to call him like he insisted, he ended up calling here. Bart seemed upset, went downstairs and that was that. I talked to Shyam which really helped (thanks for calling) and then went outside. Being outside at night is very peaceful to me ... where I live you can't hear any traffic, so you just hear nature ... okay, the occasional car coming home, I do live in a townhouse. I love looking up at the stars and moon, feeling the wind and just relaxing ... well, try to!

When I came in I went downstairs for a few minutes then let the dogs out ... Athena would NOT come in and I couldn't handle it and just shut the door and went to bed. I told Bart to get her in that I was going to bed.

He shortly came up with laundry to fold (he was leaving the next day for the weekend). He ended up holding me and I took a crazy pill (aka Ativan) and we talked. I found out he wasn't upset with me when he told me he was cleaning up and going downstairs ... he was just frustrated because he hates seeing me like that and not being able to help. I also found out he wasn't mad that Shyam called, he just wondered who it was and how he knew what was going on with me (which I told him). So it was a good talk ... I got calmed down (thanks to the drugs and the cuddles) and fell asleep and didn't move until Socrates woke me up this morning to go out.

Anxiety really bites!!!!