My life sucks

Here I sit ... in a daze almost! It's like I'm outside of my body, I don't like it ... I hate being medicated!!!!! I'm SO sore from my fall down the stairs (not the first fall, the second one) .... I think I bruised my ribs!!!!! Why is it that I must have this stupid disease???? Last night we went to bed at 1030 ... early for us. I hurt, had a thumping headache and just wanted to sleep. But does that happen? I lay there crying, complaining about my meds, about anxiety, about everything! Bart wanted me to take my extra medication that I was given to use as needed and I admit I needed it. But when I take it I'm drugged up for the next day (hence the stair insident number two last night) and I was to work tonight. I can't take something where I can't function when I work in a hospital!!!!! Yet I need to work because we need the money for the adoption ... I HAVE to get better! All along I've told myself (and everyone) that I WOULD be at work tonight ... come hell or high water I'd be there. So where am I .... at home! I've let down and disapointed everyone! My life sucks!!!!!!

Today I've done nothing but sleep and lay around .... makes me feel so worthless. Bart's going to come home dead tired because he didn't get much sleep last night because he was up with me until 3 when I gave in and took the stupid pill! I tried SO hard, and gave in ... I'm such a weak person!!!!!