Hitting bottom

NEVER; and I do mean NEVER, have I felt this depressed in my life! I can't stop crying, I can't think straight, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus on anything ... all I seem to do right is cry! This has been going on since FRIDAY! I didn't know a person could produce these many tears! I wouldn't exactly call it crying, more like weeping! I'm a mess!!! I pathetically called Bart Monday bawling, and he came over and took me to his apartment. I didn't do anything but sleep ... which is what I needed. Okay, so I cried and cried before falling asleep on the couch. He called my mom (at my request), and told her what was going on and she came down on Tuesday. Last night he stopped by after work to find out I wasn't better, but worse. He and my mom talked me into doing something I NEVER thought I would do. I went to the emergency room. Bart has suggested I go in the past when I would have bad anxiety attacks, but I never could. I always thought (even though I know better) they would commit me. But, I went.
My Mom took me. They made her wait in the waiting area when they took me back which I found odd until I got to my room. They put me in the "purple zone". Had I not worked at the hospital before I would not have known the emergency room was in four different sections, red (adult), blue (overflow and admissions), green (pediatric), and purple (phychiatric). And where was I? PURPLE!! After they locked up all my clothes and belongings and the nurse asked me some questions they let my Mom come back. She walked in my room and I started crying and told her where I was. She hugged me and said, "remember I told you that I wouldn't let them do anything you don't want." I dried my tears and didn't shed another the rest of the night. We were there for four long hours!
I saw Dr. Pepper (no lie, that was is name!), who was SO nice. He said it's no wonder I was feeling like I was with everything I was going through. That made me feel better, somewhat. He left and the wait (the long wait) to talk to the crisis person started.
Thankfully I have the absolute best Mom in the entire world! (I don't lie when I say that! If you thought your Mom was, sorry ... it's mine!) She sat there in the freezing room with me keeping me entertained. Every time Dr. Pepper would pass she'd sing the "I'm a pepper you're a pepper" song from the old Dr. Pepper commercials and we'd both laugh.
Finally Sky came in ... she was the crisis lady. She was very nice as well. She had a list of questions to ask me, and then she talked to me. We spent about 20 or more minutes together. Then I was free to go.

I left with not only some prescriptions (I think I failed to mention I had weaned myself off of my meds), but I left with a clear mind. Sky said a lot that made sense. Finally I was told how to make decisions, the real decisions! It's funny, a lot she told me was things I needed to hear but didn't ask ... like the decision making. She said when making a decision, there are four things you need to look at ... your overall health, your heart, your head, and your spiritual being. She said that your spiritual being didn't have to be religious and that everyone had a spiritual being whether it was nature, art, or God, etc. For example ... If I do X will it effect my overall health? What does my head say? What does my heart say? If I do X, can I continue to grow spiritually? Makes a lot of sense to me!

Needless to say, I'm happy I went.