My life as it seems on the outside ... Compared to the inside

Remember that Seinfeld episode where George was talking about how he couldn't have the Georges colliding? The work George, the friend George, the son George, etc.
I admit it, I use to be that person ... as I feel many are. You play the part of who you need to be at that time, in that situation. But now I'm back to me ... the person I use to be, the what you see is what you get me. I don't have the multipe Abby's, there's just one ... I act how I act no matter where I am, or who I am with. Why pretend to be something you're not? People are either going to like you or not .... so you might as well just give it all to them. I just need to work on keeping comments to myself ... :)

But let's talk about me ... I know I probably lost you right there! You're leaving to find something better to do, more interesting ... trust me I don't blame you! But here I am 31, married, a child somewhere in that adoption process, I have a good job, a college degree, and a dog. Doesn't sound too bad does it? Not on the outside ... but on the inside is a WHOLE other story! I'm not even going to get into the whole adoption process crap because that pretty much speaks for itself (which honestly I'm sick of). Let's talk about my age ... 31! Doesn't sound old ... I don't feel old, but when I look back at where I wanted to be at 31, I'm far from it! But then I wonder ... does anyone actually end up how they planned? I wanted children earlier, a great job earlier, to own a beautiful house, etc. But here I am at 31 ... no kids (yet a dog), and we rent a townhouse! Yes I have a job, one that is very demanding everywhere .... which is good! I could go anywhere and get a job easily. That's the nice things about being in the medical profession. But do I like my job? Very good question ... I love respiratory, I love the people I work with ... does that mean I love my job? I can say that working at the local hospital considered to hospitals in inner city Baltimore is totally different. If it wasn't for the commute, I'd be back in Baltimore or DC in a heartbeat! The 10 minute (if that) commute spoils you!!!! But I miss the traumas, call me gross and morbid ... but I miss the blood and gore! I miss going to the birth of premies, and high risk deliveries .... even though it wasn't always a good outcome. I miss having a say in what I did, my opinion mattered. If I felt this patient would benefit from a different med .... done! If I felt the vent settings needed changed, I didn't even have to ask! I felt more needed, more like I was actually doing something ... I actually saved lives! Now I'm just a neb jockey with no say on anything. Sure it will be considered, but who am I? It's sad when you're driving to work hoping for a cool code!!!
So that's my job .... you can figure out where I stand on it for yourself.

My love, my passion is art .... anything that has to do with art! The other evening we were coming back from dinner and the sky was a very odd color of Indigo's ... lights and darks. Of course I'm amazed at the beauty of the color with the starts twinkling through, thinking that would be a BEAUTIFUL picture and/or painting. I point it out to my husband who I think looked to keep from getting "the look" and continued to go inside. I would have been so content to just set on the front steps (as cold as it was) and just look up at the beautiful indigo's and twinkling stars soaking up the inspiration. To me, everything I see is art ...
I own an online scrapbook store, which does okay. I'd LOVE to own a brick and mortar store because I know it would be more than okay. But for now it's just a pipe dream. For awhile I had gotten my hopes up with the rental property my brother in law and sister had, but to be honest ... I don't think they took me seriously when I expressed interest. I'm the youngest of 3 ... My sister is 12 years older and my brother is 9 years older ... so I'm REALLY the youngest. I'm also known as the one that will take risks, the carefree one ... back to the one me, you get what you get thing. I don't think my family really has the confidence that I do, that I could have a scrapbook store and actually make it a successful business ... I mean, it's Abby! Bart on the other hand, says he knows I could do it ... but I don't know if he means it. I think he's playing the supportive husband role. But it's my dream ... as it is a lot of women's. Scrapbooking is extremely popular now ... and my husband informs me the market is oversaturated with it. (like that's possible) Owning a store like that is something I can see myself doing until I retire ... unlike what I do now.

But anyway ... that's that. I think I started out with a point, but ended up with a ramble .... but that's just me! :)