The walk

Tonight I went on a walk to attempt to calm myself down. I'm stressed to the max and with my period just around the corner (I know that's something you ALL wanted to know) just makes it all 100 times worse! So being stressed out, overwhelmed, etc kicks in my lovely anxiety! The anxiety gives me something that's hard to explain. It's something I'm learning to deal with ... something that I use to let just tear me apart, and I'd end up having a major attack and then takes meds to fall asleep. Luckily things have changed ... but things aren't perfected! But my anxiety gives me this energy, no matter how tired I am, I get this burning energy that has to be let out. So out for a walk I went ... in the drizzling rain. I walked and I walked ... I walked fast and could feel my heart pounding with the angry energy I had pent up inside me. My head spun with everything, and I kept on walking .... and crying. I felt like I wanted to get away, but I had nowhere to go, but to walk. So I continued (my development makes a circle). The sky was pretty ... the sun was starting to come up (kinda early for that I thought). I took everything in, everything I saw and smelled. I would walk and close my eyes and take a deep breath and would wish so badly I would smell that smell I love ... the salty sandy smell of the ocean, but go figure I never did! I would give anything to be there right now, letting the ocean take away all my problems with each wave that crashed to shore! But instead I'm here ... walking.
Finally it came to me ... and I know this sounds dumb, I admit there's nothing profound about this thought! No matter how far I walk, I always have to turn around and go back to where I started from. There was no running away ... I had nowhere to run but back to where I started.
So on that thought, I turned around and made my way back home. Feeling better .... but still have that burning energy inside me.