At the end of my rope ...

Here I sit, crying ... my eyes are so red and swollen as it seems that has been all I have been doing lately. I have no energy because I'm completely exhausted from having what seems like constent anxiety attacks. My head is thumping from all the tears. I am honestly at the end of my rope!
At work last night, I was waiting for my patients to finish there treatments ... I went to take in the view out the window. I looked out on all the lights of Baltimore. I couldn't believe how alone and lost I felt even though there were people all around, and a bustling city right out the window.
I feel like everyone is moving along in life while somehow I stand still ... watching the world pass me by. I see people that are so happy, smiling, talking, laughing and yearn to be like that. I feel so distant from the world. This disease has managed to push me away from those I love, and isolate me with my fears.

I gave up and called Bart to see if he would come and take me to the ER. I didn't know what else to do, and even though it scares me to go to the emergency room for this, I know it's the best thing for me. I don't know why I keep letting myself get off my meds when I know I need them to function!