Home ...

Finally I was able to go home ... not for as long as I would have liked, but home nonetheless. I drove in on Saturday and back on Tuesday ... originally I was leaving Thursday when I got off work and then back on Tuesday, but life got in the way of those plans.
It was nice to be home, my mom made yummy vegetable soup that was waiting for me when I got there Saturday afternoon. Sunday I went to church for the first time in I don't know how many years ... it was nice to be there, comforting in a way. Oddly enough the sermon was about overcoming your fears in which he spoke about people with anxiety. Really hit home, and a few times I sat holding back tears. It was like he was standing on that big platform in front of everyone talking just to me.
My anxiety is at it highest right now ... higher than it's been in a long time. I have this constent short of breath, feeling like I'm under water, chest pain, butterfly, can't sleep without waking up sweating from a bad dream feeling. Why I let myself run out of my medication is beyond me. I know better, I've been here before and it wasn't pretty ... yet here I am again!!!