Who would have known

One phone call ... one little girl, turns our lives inside out.

Bart receives a phone call from the adoption agency and tells him about a little 9 month old baby girl that is available now. She's special needs ... She was born with a cleft lip and pallet. Of course he's speechless and calls me right away. There I sat in bed speechless, is she "the one"? Is this the baby we've been waiting for?
Of course I had questions, questions he couldn't answer ... so he emails the adoption agency to get some answers. How severe, is she eating well, growing well, etc. What a long night that was waiting for answers ... of course I had to work, which was probably the best thing for me to do because it's not like I would have slept anyway.
The next day we get a picture of Le Le and both our hearts melt. We also got her "physical summary" which showed she is developing well. So now what?

Soul searching and prayer ... it's all we could do for days. That and a lot of crying. This little girl was beautiful and with a few surgeries she would be "perfect". But I didn't feel in my heart she was the one. I wanted her more than anything because I wanted a baby so badly. I wanted to help her, get her the medical attention she needed. But is that the right reasons to adopt a child? I couldn't convince myself it was. So sadly I told Bart I couldn't do it.

I'll never forget walking into his office telling him ... very matter of fact, I can't do this. I turned around with tears streaming down my face and left. Going up the stairs I look in at him and he had his head in his hands crying. I went to the bedroom and got into bed and just cried, hoping and praying I had made the right decision. It wasn't long until Bart came up and we held each other and just wept. For days we grieved over Le Le ... it was like we had a baby for a few days, we had a picture, we loved her ... then she's gone.