Not a good night ....

It started out good ... well, okay! I had plans yesterday ... there were 2 open houses I wanted to attend, but Terry was working OT, so Bart went and stayed as well. Whatever! Bart doesn't like to go to open houses, he'd rather go with our realtor for a private showing ... so maybe it was done on purpose, I don't know. I on the other hand like to see things NOW! But I got over it.
I didn't really feel like doing much, most of the day I sat around in my PJ's chatting online to Dawn, my friend in Utah (hey Tune). Finally I got the energy to get a shower and get dressed. After doing that I decided to hit AC Moore and JoAnn's because I needed a couple things (honestly, I did). Well passing by the dollar store I decided to stop there ... glad I did, I got a lot of cute little things for my nephew for Halloween, and some things for myself! :) Love that place!

Let me back up ... on my way to AC Moore (which ended up being the dollar store) I called Bart because they were on there way home. He told me he was taking Terry to AA, blah blah blah. I told him I'd take him just to drop him off and I'd go .... Bart doesn't go into the meeting with him, and I do. Terry likes it better when someone goes with him. Next call .... he was just taking him and dropping him off so he would be early, etc. That was fine, I still had like 20 minutes to get there so I thought I'd finish shopping and get to the meeting in no time. Wrong .... I get there 30 minutes into it! Oops! No biggie because the way it's laid out, nobody see's when people come late, so it's not like I made this big glorious entrance. I didn't see Terry, so I stood in the back.

After the meeting, I apologized ... he didn't mind, and we went on our way. On the way home I asked what his plans were and he didn't have any. I said I wanted to do something and named a few things, but got no response. I could tell he was tired, so I just shut up. We get home ... I check my email, look through the mail, etc. I'm STARVING at this point and I told Bart I wanted to go to Ruby Tuesday's. By this time it's pushing 10. Okay, I should probably say I bitched because I didn't get to go to JoAnn's or AC Moore. I could have on my way home, but didn't push it with Terry. And thought I'd drop him off and run back out, but didn't. Bart was sound asleep .... which made me mad. So that's when I sat at my computer brewing.
So anyway, he said that sounded good .... Terry agreed, so off we all went. We had a fun time ... Terry had a couple drinks (great thing to do after AA I know) and I had 2 Mojito's (highly suggested, they're new there ... yummy with that hint of mint). Bart had nada. So after eating, we stopped at Sheetz because Terry needed smokes. Terry and I were on the happy side and having a blast, and honestly I think Bart was too! I was singing and dancing in the back seat .... when I came out of sheetz, Bart told me my song was on ... and it was Shoop, remember that song? So love it! And who doesn't know all the words? So standing outside I start singing! :) Embarrassed Terry, who hopped in the truck so I followed, my mouth still going. Terry turned it up thinking he could drown out me ... what was he thinking? I can get louder too! So he gave in and sang too!!! It was fun!!!!

So all that fun, I should have known it was too good to be true. We get home ... Terry and I still going we popped in a DVD Tokyo Drift. (GREAT movie I might add) At some point something happened, honestly I don't know what ... but Terry got pissed at me. He gets to this point where he drinks TOO MUCH and no matter what I do or say it's the wrong thing and he gets mad. This time he couldn't find his smokes he just bought so of course I stole them! (they were on top of the microwave) So after his smoke break he came in and I decided to ignore him because usually that's the best thing to do. He left before the movie ended, told Bart to let him know when it was over and he'd watch it. huh? So we finished the movie, and Bart went to bed, and I went and got ready for bed. I came back downstairs to do some things that needed done and Terry came from outside (smoking again) and got his blanket and pillow (he usually sleeps on the couch) and started on his way upstairs. I simply said (and not in a bitchy way either), What's your problem? He responded back in the way he does when he's mad that SO makes my blood boil, if you remember you got us on bad terms, and continues walking. I asked what I did, which of course didn't get a response ... never does. Then he got to the top of the steps and I heard ... SLUT! Ummmm, no! Not going there ... AGAIN! So it ended up not pretty at all! Bart ended up getting up and being the ref ... made me stay downstairs. Tried to talk to Terry logically (which you can't do), and he just lied his ass off. So I'm down here hearing every word yelling up at them. My blood was HOT and I was ready for a kick out drag out match! My Irish temper was ready to go! I ended up getting babysat by Bart for an hour or so (which I HATED) to make sure I didn't go upstairs and start anything ... give me a break!

Around 5AM I think I finally calmed down enough to lay down and cry myself to sleep. Honestly I just wanted out of here. And I text Shyam telling him I needed out ... but I knew I wouldn't get a response.
After I calmed down I text Terry and apologized for what I said, but of course didn't get a response from him either ... and I heard him get them ... not that he read them though.

So here it is almost 7PM Sunday and I haven't seen nor heard Terry. I hate it! I hate fighting with him, but when he drinks over his limit that's how it ends and I know he doesn't see it. But I can't take being disrespected, especially in my own home! I don't know how to make him understand that .... or if he's ready to understand that. All I know is I'm not about to lose another very good friend .... I've lost Shyam, and I don't want to lose Terry and I'm going to. He's either going to die from drinking, or leave and never speak to me again. That's what I sat pondering last night ... friends, good friends. What's the point? Up until Shyam, I didn't have any ... I pushed them all away after Amy died in 1994. And look what happened, he's still alive, but I think I'm dead to him. Now Terry ... looks like I'm losing him too. So why let people in? Why let people get close to you?? When I pushed everyone away before my reasoning was, if I don't let anyone in, if I don't let anyone get close to me I can't lose anything. Looks like I've proven myself right .....